Today, after we'd let an author rent out our cabin, we read in the book of poems he wrote while staying that he'd described how he enjoyed sitting on our table naked. The same table we often eat off. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my brother arrived at the cabin we’re staying at on a trip. He insisted he got the bed I chose. My father responded, "You wouldn’t want the bed if you knew what he did in it last night." I laughed until I realized there's a mirror where he could've easily seen "what I did last night." FML
Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs. I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex. Afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd also had great sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML
Today, while looking at a house to buy, I opened a bathroom door. There was a naked man on the toilet. FML
Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML
Today, I came home to my fiancé and his mates playing Monopoly naked in our backyard. FML
Today, I took a bath and dressed in a skimpy lingerie. I sat on the couch for an hour and a half before giving up and putting on my boyfriend's old t shirt. It was then that he decided to comment. On the t shirt I was wearing. FML
Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had our parents over to our new apartment for the first time. We spent hours cleaning, cooking, and making sure everything was "parent-appropriate." Apparently we didn't notice the BDSM catalog in the pile on our coffee table... but his mom sure did. FML
Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML
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Top comments
chrstygrl06 10
You should eat off plates. I find they're much handier.
MauriceWinifred 0
so? clean it. And it's not like you don't use plates. what's the big deal, ugh.
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Comments (68)
birds_fml 7
Shouldn't the ass prints on the table tipped you off? Or probably not, since I'm sure both him and you have washed the table in between, and therefore, there are no ass germs on the table to make you sick. How the hell is this a problem?
HomeAl0ne 20
Conversation one hour before finding the poetry.... Husband: "That last batch of brownies tasted a bit funny." Wife "I didn't make any brownies."
ram7979 18
clean the table moron
sallen0046 4
Unless you're eating your dinner directly off the table you didn't bother to clean, how is this a problem? You might want to go buy a new toilet seat, bathtub, and replace all the furniture in the place too, because his bare ass probably touched more than one of those things as well.
Mokiikom_fml 8
While that is disgusting and definitely sucks to be you/FYL, I must say that if you rent out your place, it's disgusting not to clean it when you get it back. The problem won't be there if you clean. Him sitting naked on the table is NOTHING compared to other things he could/might have done. Lysol/bleach/antibacterial spray are your friends...
ThaggleS 0
Eat what? You look delectable.
CynSheB 0
Yo, No One Knows the Truth about this... I was Chillin at this Dike's house, Beth, with my Babe. We started ****** on her Coffee Table, It had a Glass Covering on it. We was Humpin the Glass off the Table. We got Confused, Tried to get up, and Broke it. We said he Tripped.
ArmyWife1018 0
Chances are your parents have probably gone at it at least once on that table. Buy some lysol and laugh it off.
towboatdude 0
There's probably worse things been on the table then ass prints. well come to think of if there's probably just more than his. There's probably a lot of ass prints on it. and some bodily fluids that well will show under U.V. lights and spray some luminal on there and all kinds of stuff will show. so don't worry about some ass prints.
peterdpetigrew 0
dieee.