Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to give a massage to my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend as they got a couples’ massage. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage with a back massager, and as a joke I put it up against his butthole. He moaned louder than I've ever heard him moan and begged me to put it back. This can't be a good sign. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML
Today, I'd planned on treating myself to a spa day. I'd booked a massage and was so relaxed that I fell asleep during it. When I woke up, I realized that I had drooled all over the massage table. FML
Today, trying to be romantic, I started giving my boyfriend a neck massage. He gave me a weirded-out look, removed my hand, called me creep, and wouldn't let me touch him for the rest of the day. FML
Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML
Today, after months of asking my massage therapist boyfriend to work on me, and him always saying he’s too tired to do so, I called my local spa to make an appointment. He then screamed at me for wasting money and for going to the competition when he could just do the job himself. I'm confused too. FML
Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML
Today, I was relaxing in the bath with oils and candles and a new book when my husband burst in with diarrhoea, filled the toilet, polluted the air, and knocked my new book into the bathwater. Then, while washing his hands, he asked if I wanted an oil covered shag. Romantic, right? FML
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Top comments
sarah8909 0
Do you know how much that sort of stuff costs in a salon? Don't be so ungrateful :p
BlackWolfVII 0
Maybe your boyfriend's got chunky thighs you've never noticed before.
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Comments (101)
BlackWolfVII 0
Maybe your boyfriend's got chunky thighs you've never noticed before.
jenn9854 0
did it work?!
hahahawow 0
assume the book just happened to fall open like that-- it's better for everyone involved
mwali02 32
Let's be real... He just wanted to touch your butt and thighs. Is there a problem with that? I bet you *both* felt amazing afterwards... And in a relationship, that's a good thing! No FML here OP! :)
cnhd 0
ha-i like that
sarah8909 0
Do you know how much that sort of stuff costs in a salon? Don't be so ungrateful :p
BaldOuting 0
there are massages for that?
Kervik 0
Most massages will get rid of un-needed body deposits. My mother owns a beauty salon. :O Anyway, to the OP, what's so bad? He helped you get rid of the cellulites, gave you a massage, you were with him, he was with you-I'm not really getting the whole 'FML' aspect here.
guitardedman 0
so your man wants you to look better and take care of you get over it... if there is a way to make a woman more attractive while pleasing her and your boyfriend is willing to do that, then accept it
AntiChrist7 0
you're fat=> your fault. your boyfirend tries to help you and you complain=> YDI
Ragdux 0
hahah he was trying to help.......
wut_fml 0
Well, he better get used to it. You can't get rid of cellulite. You can temporarily decrease its appearance for a short period of time, but it'll always come back. Even all those fancy salon treatments and surgeries will NOT permanently get rid of it. Sorry - just the way many people's bodies are #9 - Cellulite =/= being fat. I know girls who are rail thin twigs who still have lots of cellulite, and there are some heavy girls with completely smooth skin. It's not about how much fat you have, but rather how the fat is deposited under the skin. Most women have it, so men might as well learn to get used to it.