Today, my cat had the greatest idea ever: hide inside our Christmas tree and attack anyone who walks past. It would have come as extremely funny to me if I hadn't been her first victim. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, we spent hours decorating the Christmas tree, perfectly balancing the lights, ornaments, and tinsel. Ten minutes later, the cat thought it was a right time to reenact Die Hard and climbed up the tree, knocking it over. Now my ornaments are shattered, and my cat is smugly sitting in the wreckage. FML
Today, to try to have a less depressing Christmas, I've put up a small tree in my apartment and wrapped some presents for myself. I woke from a nap to the sound of my cat vomiting. What did she throw up on? The presents. FML
Today, I was wrapping presents for my daughter, trying to be really quiet. Behind me, the cat decided to climb the tree, which then fell on top of me and I couldn't move. My daughter had to help me up. She now knows everything she's getting for Christmas this year. FML
Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML
Today, my cat started screaming nonstop outside my bedroom. She's never done this since she was last in heat (she's 7 1/2 years old), so I was worried. I opened the door to find that she had "killed' a mouse (a fake one, formerly attached to her cat tree) and was very proud of herself. That's cute, but… really? FML
Today, I realized my new kitten is the spawn of the devil. It decided to go get itself stuck in a tree. I tried to climb up to rescue it. But it kept climbing higher. I was about to grab the cat when I fell. The cat then jumped down and started purring. FML
Today, my kid jumped from the couch into our Christmas tree. As she literally slid down the entire tree, it was like it was happening in slow motion. I was laughing so hard, I peed myself, so I had to clean up decorations and my own piss. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML
Today, I was cooking when I got jumped from behind by my friend's cat, who thought my back would make a great lookout perch. Yesterday he tried to sharpen his claws on me. Last time I looked in the mirror I didn't look like a tree trunk, but maybe I need glasses. FML
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Top comments
flysniper77 6
Not everyday you get attacked by pussy
MelTheGreat 23
Unless you're Tiger Woods.
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Comments (131)
almost34 4
Sucks to be you
unknownfork 12
They have a button for that.
LolPieRofl 11
Please, Kill Yourself.
iCake 13
I knew I missed something...
Brattyninja 7
I just thought people posted on here because it's awesome to be them. Hmm, guess I was wrong.
almost34 4
You were very wrong
0RedPenguin0 8
This sounds remarkably similar to Garfield's "Cat in the Wastebasket" game
flysniper77 6
Not everyday you get attacked by pussy
MelTheGreat 23
Unless you're Tiger Woods.
iCake 13
Or justin bieber?
decidedlyvague 11
Only if Justin bieber attacks himself.
Shadow2193 5
Your cats training to be a ninja.
Werken247 14
Evil cats plan for world domination!
Stefan1994 7
Catocaplyse
billyz77 24
Do you mean cat-pocalypse?
LolPieRofl 11
Master teach me art of cat-fu. I kill owner soon. I kill world soon.
kotana191 8
I hope you got it declawed
cristy91 33
That can hurt the cat and it's a very sensitive topic for many people
juwood 7
True. I think a lot of people don't realize what the human equivilant is. It's taking your finger off at the first knuckle, basically.
kittykat72 4
No it's like taking a humans nails off
ballbearing 10
No. It's equivalent to removing your fingers at your knuckle. Do your research before suggesting stupid ideas.
denbeste 3
I am proud to say that I always break all the fingers of people who declaw their cat. That way they can feel what it's like with no permanent effect. Animals and insects are worth way more than humans. We're trash compared to them.
abbiyroad 16
I really hope your being sarcastic #100... I don't personally have a cat but if its attacking people I would get it declawed, they wouldn't still do it if it really hurt the cat right? Maybe I still have much faith in humanity
rkmn8r 6
I agree. go kill yourself. that way you will be making the world a better place for animals and humans alike!
pheebs314 17
My cat does the same thing. It doesn't do permanent damage and it is funny. It is also startling... But I would never declaw her for it. Never. If she ever got outside she would have no defenses! Not to mention the pain she would go through.
caysters 12
I declawed my cat because she kept going after furniture and clipping didn't help. Worst mistake ever... The vet butchered it, took her to a new vet. Two surgeries, a month of confinement, and a grand later, she was finally recovered. Will never do that again.
Quadroblitz 10
I think instead of declawing, the cat's claws should just be dulled regularly.
emeraldisle 30
This is why I love my cat. They do little things to annoy you but you can't stay mad at them for long.
ShyAnn29 15
Especially when they look at you with that "I love you" look!
PenguinBitch 44
6-Unless you found out that you got a deadly infection from the claw wounds and probably be pushing up daisies soon.
emeraldisle 30
90 - if that were the case, then I'd've been dead a long time ago.
evilplatypus 39
90 ~Yes, because we live in third world countries where we have no access to basic medicines.~
emeraldisle 30
90 - because Ireland is so a third world country.
PenguinBitch 44
All of you guys are no fun. Boooo
challan 19
I would love to do that! Your cat is boss! cat 1, human 0
ICastillo 25
You would love to hide in a Christmas tree and attack the first person to walk by?
challan 19
No, I'd love to go all ninja cat on you! Meow!
ICastillo 25
Oh I see. I'm undecided if that would be pleasant or not....
poccocurantes 7
yep.
Dracoboxer357 36
24- Oh it's pleasant alright! I speak from experience! *Parts his hair to show the fresh stitches in his scalp* *Holds up a rag soaked in chloroform* *Lifts his shirt to show more stitches from his missing kidney* Yeah, Challan's a barrel of laughs when She goes ninja-cat on your ass. :p ;)
challan 19
Draco, I gave you a Spiderman bandaid, and I kissed your boo boo. Be a man and suck it up.
sens3sfailing 25
Wait, did you do this as a women or a cat? If the cats are getting into the black market organ stealing business we are all in a lot of trouble.
ICastillo 25
Oh well thanks for the info #60 it sounds like fun, but #61 can I make a request for a Batman bandaid?
challan 19
I usually save them for myself, but yes, you may have one. They glow in the dark. Oh... And of course as a women, you've heard of cougars, right? I'm a kitten.
challan 19
I usually save them for myself, but yes, you may have one. They glow in the dark. Oh... And of course as a women, you've heard of cougars, right? I'm a kitten.
ICastillo 25
Ahh yeah, they glow in the dark I really want one now. And kittens are cute and cuddly though, not mean....
challan 19
Cute but we have claws ;)
TheDeafWalrus 8
Assassin Creed 4: Cats in Trees
wagne057 6
No...just no.
bugmenotmofo 34
"HItman: Cat edition" would have been MUCH better idea.
IOmnomHard 10
8 wasn't so off...OP's kitty was just practicing his air assassinations.
Welshite 40
It's always funny until it happens to you.
braja3249 4
No, the greatest idea ever would've been for it to climb the Christmas tree causing it to fall on you and crush you.
braja3249 4
Fail attempt to connect this to a previous fml :/
MissNicky177 6
I saw that fml, but you failed at connecting it