Today, my nine year-old stepson overheard me telling my husband that I was almost out of my favorite shampoo, and since it was discontinued, I couldn't buy any more. He got in the shower and happily emptied the bottles down the drain. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while showering, I broke the cap off the shampoo. Not my shampoo, my roommate's. The $60 shampoo I swore I wouldn't touch. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend pees in the shower. This would've been OK if he was peeing into the drain. Instead, he pees on the shampoo and soap bottles. FML
Today, my shower is being renovated so I washed my hair in the kitchen sink. I put my two year-old son on the counter next to me so I could keep him close. As I was rinsing out my hair, my son started playing with the light switches. He flicked the garbage disposal by accident. FML
Today, I found out the crappy shampoo I've been borrowing from my girlfriend is actually "feminine wash." FML
Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML
Today, while my mother-in-law visited, I asked if she wouldn't mind watching my son for 10 minutes as I had run out of baby shampoo. I came back home to see she had shaved his head completely bald. That was his very first haircut. FML
Today, I asked my daughter to buy me two pints of milk. Apparently, the shop only had four-pints, so she got that and poured half down the drain. FML
Today, while showering, I finished off the shampoo bottle. I decided to see if I could shoot it into the trash can over the shower curtain. When I heard the successful "thunk", I got so excited I slipped and cracked my head open. FML
Today, my five-year-old son told me that I smell bad and asked me to take a shower so I wouldn't attract bugs into the house. I had just showered. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML
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Top comments
hzlzkgzkgzchxuxh 3
Mayb u should discontinue his favorite snack
Thisismypchere 8
Some men just want to watch the world burn.
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Comments (259)
phantumgrey 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
HahahahAhorkhork, agh sorry guys, I think I inhaled a nut or something.
Roevera 14
Doesnt it suck when you have the chance to be first and have nothing funny/witty to say....
littletinyME 5
Yes! But I just got first comment! :3
KiddNYC1O 22
You are a nut.
hzlzkgzkgzchxuxh 3
U belong in a tree, cuz ur a nut, srry if its not funny
littletinyME 5
14- yes!! But I just achieved first comment and I am immensely proud of myself! :3
ScaughtieHolden 11
Your grammar upsets me.
circaden 0
I'm yo agee Vera
JurassicHole 5
^^The creepiness is strong with this one.
Sonfang 19
Op your step son is a little turd! I hope you popped his ass and grounded him for a week at least.
smellymellyy 7
I wonder when FML became a competition to see who can post the funniest and wittiest comments with the most perfect grammar and range of vocabulary and the highest up comment to the top? Don't people have better things to worry about than a comment on an fml?
Katiekhalifa_fml 28
132: Obviously, you don't...
murdersquirrel 15
Highest up comment to the top... LOL.
tellithowitis 13
I least u didnt flibber flabber in the pika tiwi while flinka flooming
EvilPotato 15
154 what tha fuckkk?
iAmScrubs 19
I just face-palmed about 95 times after reading that.
StromyG2 10
You have devoted your time to do what you're criticizing others for doing. o0
smellymellyy 7
I've only commented on an fml about 4 times, and was my comment witty or funny? No. And 'devoted my time', yeah like 5 minutes of it :L oh well I just think people care about such silly and petty things on here, and should stop judging
schrodingersdog 4
Sometimes you feel like a nut, and sometimes you don't.
thethingthatshou 4
It's ******* shampoo who cares?
Thisismypchere 8
Some men just want to watch the world burn.
fireice22 0
While others want to see it flush down a drain.
Jakesterk96 8
If only there were hundreds of other shampoo brands.....
shane_109 8
Okay Alfred
MichellinMan 20
or children... or the antichrist.
baconftw 9
This is why people used to beat their children.. and they still do.
Wederoney 16
I would say someone's not happy to have a new mommy. That kid does not like you. But maybe it's mutual.
Neorecon19 18
And some children just want to see how fast they can become a homicide victim.
hewdud 0
Oh no....
CockAsian 14
Ohh YEAAAHHHHHH!!
TheMaster15 10
^welcome back, kool-aid guy.
MichellinMan 20
welcome back, Mr. Bean.
airforce987 20
Welcome back, nyan cat
KiddNYC1O 22
Welcome back, Kotter.
Manganimegrl 16
Welcome back, Earth.
yuzuhere 21
Welcome back, Mio.
shoopd 19
Welcome back weird, stuffed doll things that honestly creep me out more than just a little bit...
unknownfork 12
YOU ******* RUINER
OhHushDear 11
Welcome back... shoe, apparently.
AwkwardPartyBear 24
Welcome back "you ******* ruiner".
Wdgames 0
Welcome back, person with nice hair.
lemonademixer 7
Welcome back person that has a yin and yang thingie for their picture...
One_Way 43
Welcome back, EXAS backwards.
hzlzkgzkgzchxuxh 3
Mayb u should discontinue his favorite snack
williemac987 5
Goodbye Graham crackers!!!
MichellinMan 20
NO! DON'T! that will only make him angrier... you must, YOU MUST... MOLEST HIM...
datguyuno 5
Or just discontinue his existence
2ndSucks 15
89, molest him? Really? That's going way too far. And don't try to save your comment with the usual "jk guys, chill." Cause that was just stupid.
eb0ny 15
I'm with 105 on this.
GenaALazer 22
spank him
Osito2011 9
Op is probably an actual evil stepmom and that's why he did it. Aw sweet sweet revenge!
Mitcha857 0
Well it shows.. He's lashing out at his stepmom and all she can worry about is her shampoo. Look at the big picture OP
Bullpine 11
If the biological mother is still in the kids life, the stepmother has no right to discipline him to that extent.
bananabuttercup 8
5- it's been scientifically proven that physical punishment is less effective than other forms of classical conitioning.
chubby_choco 17
Glad to know someone still believes in spanking. I was spanked, and I turned out just fine. And don't buy into that 'it's not a good method' bullshit, because I learned pretty fast what not to do.
DrMime 10
Looks like it's back to the normal brand!
dominic1221 6
*cough*mdksucks*cough*
DrMime 10
What's Mdk?
Arashi_Nightmare 8
Heck nooooo... Normal, store-bought brands are nasty.
RoseTintMyWorld 8
So is your taste in lipstick.
skittihorse 8
^ So is that thing on your shoulder.
cream_bunny 0
So are your curtains.
StromyG2 10
So are yeast infections.
RoseTintMyWorld 8
You leave my vermin out of this!
Justin23L 2
Awww but the little rodent thing is so cute! :D
Capt_Awesome137 0
That's unfortunate but he's a little kid. What are you gonna do.
Amarve 4
Hit him.
hotPinklipstick 24
He is not a little kid, a 2-4 year old child doing something like this could be overlooked. He is 9 years old, that kid need punished.
PandaSmile 24
Take away his candy!
Aweh_Olivia 13
Hahah, rage on him .
taytaylal 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Use normal shampoo like normal people. Ydi.
Sinamoi 18
I feel like you're one of those people who goes out of their way to say YDI to everyone.
agm77 9
OP - "Today, my parents died in a horrible accident. FML" #9 - "YDI for having parents."
thisisafunnyname 12
YDI for using shampoo
silentbutfunny 0
YDI for showering
kateheartswaffle 0
YDI for being born.
karkid619 8
YDI For surviving that abortion.
Lexiloulynn 2
YDI for playing favorites... Shampoo has feelings too!!
OhHushDear 11
YDI for growing hair.
Arashi_Nightmare 8
Define "normal" in reference to people, please, Miss taytaylal?
bananabuttercup 8
Who said it was a special shampoo? OP just said it was her favorite. Why do you asume that it's some expensive, fancy hair care?
jessimica642 8
YDapunchintheface
5HT2A 5
9- YDtogobacktoschool because you don't know how to spell one word right in your profile, I pity creatures like you.
RoseTintMyWorld 8
I missed the part where OP said anything about it being a special fancy type of shampoo. She just said it was her favorite. And normal people usually have a favorite shampoo.
lemonademixer 7
Second that...
CeruleanThree 8
I can understand a kid doing that at the age of four or five, but nine? He is way too old for that.
IdaE 17
Maybe his step-mom is mean??
kalbrek009 20
Maybe he's just a disrespectful kid who needs to be set right.
19990231 29
Or maybe she is very nice and the kid is just acting out because he is having trouble with a new authority figure and is testing his boundaries?