Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after weeks of begging my boyfriend of almost two years to have sex with me, he told me to find someone else to fuck. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML
Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML
Today, after trying to convince my girlfriend to have sex for almost 16 months, she finally said yes. I couldn't get it up the second she said it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML
Today, I was ready to have sex with my new boyfriend. Turns out he's a 30 year-old virgin who doesn't know shit. He couldn't find my vagina and was just humping my crotch, then when he finally got it in it was 5 pumps, a squirt and done. He thinks he did a good job. Now I have to teach him how to do it properly. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML
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Top comments
redmnky21 8
wow... how old are you... sounds like your way to young for sex
mookie24 2
How old is this guy? You shouldn't have to persuade anybody to have sex
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Comments (290)
rogerover 19
Baby steps! Work your way up to f¥cking. There are many places to visit on the journey to bumping uglies. Kissing, touching, licking, sucking....you get the idea.
Michaelsgirl04 9
The hell is fYcking?
iHateHippiesToo 6
No, actually, that's pretty much how it works (I can only attest to how it works up until 40). As long as she is naked, she doesn't even have to be particularly cute.
FleetAdmiral 1
How about giving head, you woulda been wet at the end and he'd be stiff... If you know what YOU'RE doing
darkgodxvx 4
Murdersquirrel - Sarcasm?
richieflow 3
Kids I tell ya
paleontologist 8
He may just be asexual. Some people can be romantically interested in others but are put off by the sexual aspect of relationships. Maybe he was too afraid to confide this in his girlfriend, knowing how important such intimacy was to her.
ScarlieC 25
Well OP, I hope that your next boyfriend will coax you to have sex with him. Maybe that'll make you understand what you've been doing to your current boyfriend and just how wrong it is of you! Bad girlfriend, bad!
Rocky007 15
I agree this is probably an age problem, but I doubt he's too young. I'm guessing they are an old couple. He needs a little blue pill, and she needs the KY.
ReginaFalange_fml 13
If they were old I bet he'd know how to have sex
j_cat187 20
Sex; you are doing it wrong.
lfrye 6
I'm guessing you didn't have to ask if it was in?