Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML
Today, despite warning my new girlfriend I suffer from bad premature ejaculation, and should get her to orgasm first with my hand or mouth, she insisted I “just fuck her already” then she blamed me when it was over in 15 seconds. FML
Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML
Today, halfway through a blowjob, my girlfriend bit my penis because she suddenly decided that she was still annoyed at me for an argument we had last week. FML
Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
dramaelf 37
No pressure, then.
FalloutScrolls 25
Sounds like real keeper to me. Totally not crazy. Nope. Not one bit.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (133)
Silk_Routes 14
Anything for a *******
a1_z9 10
At least she didn't try to pop a finger up your bum to speed you up.
dupreeeeeeeeeeee 13
Idk yo, getting fingered and blown at the same time sounds awesome to me
a1_z9 10
Not on your first ever ******* without having talked about it first. Unless everything I know about men is wrong!
kurodansei 16
Read "Men" as "People" very few enjoy shit chute surprises
DedeleMan 21
someone doesn't like giving head... You should do the same to her
JoeOfDoom 6
So, did it work?
chuchusheep 19
id be ending that relationship right then and there...
GhostFox 34
Sounds like she didn't want to give OP a BJ and he wheedled her into it. If that's the case, OP, YDI for not respecting her boundaries. If that's not the case, sounds like she found the reality a lot more uncomfortable and unpleasant than how some people hype it up. Still, threats of bodily harm are not okay, and if she thinks they are, you should consider checking out of that relationship.
THEDUDE1553566 24
How would you know? The story doesn't give any background. Stop assuming it's always the male that's the aggressor
ChibiChibi_fml 28
Did you even read their entire comment? You can't bitch at someone for making assumptions when they literally say in their comment "If that's not the case" after stating what it sounds like to them. GhostFox allowed for both the possibility that the girlfriend started something she couldn't finish or that that the OP wheedled her into it
GhostFox 34
Thank you for actually reading the whole of my comment ChibiChibi. As to you, #71, you should read entire comments before jumping to conclusions. I try not to place the "blame" solely with one party without all the information, and I didn't place the blame on just one party here. I phrased it the way I did because it was the variation on the statements that sound the least tangled. I also even specified that threats of bodily harm were not okay. Another reason that I placed the first phrase where I did is because people nag, annoy, or beg their partners to perform sex acts they partner doesn't want to perform quite often, and it's easy to slide from wheedling someone into doing something into forcing them to. Even the version of pestering someone into doing it is dangerously close to breaking consent. It was also one of my major concerns because sex should be enjoyed by both parties. I will reiterate that threatening a partner with harm of any kind is not okay, unless said partner is actively threatening you. OP and his girlfriend need to sit down and talk about that fact, and make sure it is established before they go any further and risk the relationship turning abusive. If they do, and OP's girlfriend doesn't see anything wrong with threats, he needs to leave her.
no__1__special 1
I was going to vote "I agree, your life sucks", but, in this particular case it doesn't suck (much)...
enginsteve 17
I hope you popped in her eye.
venomousflower 24
Mood killer
CliffyB03 28
Her jaw probably hurt. (Sarcasm)