Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML
Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML
Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl. Things were getting pretty hot, so I decided to smack her butt. I missed. I smacked my balls instead. Real hard. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML
Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML
Today my girlfriend was on top during sex. I went to slap her butt, missed and nailed myself in the balls. We had to stop. She wouldn't stop laughing. FML
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Top comments
PharmacyJoe 13
Have you explained to her that testicles and tubes of toothpaste do not, in fact, work in the same manner?
z_candy 18
Sorry op, it looks like you literally busted a nut.
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Comments (123)
echarlotte 19
Did she try to squeeze the cum out or something?
Patriots21 14
Honestly, #1, I just feel uncomfortable after reading that.
TrippingOnAcid 29
OP'a girlfriend has been reading Cosmo sex tips. I guarantee it.
kangx1 28
I feel so bad for OP my gf use to only give my balls a light flick and I would be in so much pain. I can't imagine having them squeezed to the point of rupture.
eightbithero 12
Only a Vagoo can squeeze the cum out
greydawg20 5
you...you do know that semen doesn't come from the testicles, don't you?
Cyn1988 4
#25 your probably right lol some of the worst advice ever! Maybe since most of their readers are single they want to keep them that way?
Alessia1269 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
at least u have a girlfriend hahahah but yeah fyl maan
jerryj 27
I think most guys would rather have their testicles intact than a girlfriend.
1dvs_bstd 41
Girls don't realize how delicate balls are. Even a flick of the finger can hurt as ******* hell.
trevorr_16 25
I second that, #13.
oathkeeper99 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I'm a girl and yet I still feel your pain.
Jdlove2 20
No you do not.
greeneyedx 23
Women can sympathise.. Guys aren't the only ones who have felt horrible pain xD
Soparot 29
@61 ******** pain is beyond horrible pain
cupcakebruh 21
@73, I have two things to say to you. First off even though us girls do not have balls we can still imagine, or rather, understand how terrible it must feel to get kicked or hit or whatever, in the balls. Secondly, have you ever had to push a 9 pound baby with a head the size of a cantaloupe out of 10cm wide hole, with absolutely no pain medication? No? Well I think that that may be more painful than your testicular pain.
dswomi 12
#73, You should have thought that comment through.
Llama_Face89 34
as soon as I saw #39's comment I knew it was a matter of time...
daemonsparta 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
******** pain is equal actually proven to be the same level as labor and childbirth so it ia possible for us to understand each other with this pain
Keiraquarium 12
97- Where did you read that? I've seen videos of men having labour simulations and they all said it was much worse than being kicked in the balls. (I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you, just interested)
tournamentdecide 33
You can't say that two levels of pain are the exact same; you cannot measure pain, as everyone has their own tolerance. Studies like that are the ones that people can most certainly call BS on, and that sounds like one of those facts from Instagram.
Soparot 29
I see now that I probably could have said that in a better way. I wasn't meaning to imply that women can't feel pain as bad as getting hit in the balls, just that most women, who haven't gone through child birth, most likely haven't felt pain as bad a nice, clean hit to the balls
craftboy47 5
@99 I have also heard that testicular pain is the same as child birth. but I'm thinking ( my own opinion here) people think childbirth is worse because the stimulus is continuous and is longer then what may have stimulated the pain in the testicles.
jozhe 21
A great plasure and a horrible pain simultaneously. Don't envy you.
False_Stupidity 42
It's a fine line between pleasure and pain. OP's girlfriend just crossed that line...
z_candy 18
Sorry op, it looks like you literally busted a nut.
4WheelBurnout 14
Agreed. Brings a whole new meaning to the term Ball Buster
logicnazi 18
I don't understand why people on here always say that. That isn't a new meaning. It's the meaning. It's the whole point of that joke.
MGS428 8
#80, pretty sure when the term "bust a nut" was coined meaning to have an ****** they didn't mean the rupturing of a ********.
PharmacyJoe 13
Have you explained to her that testicles and tubes of toothpaste do not, in fact, work in the same manner?
JMichael 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
This kind of reminds me of that video where the guy tells his girlfriend that giving a handjob is like trying to get ketchup out of a bottle and she smacks the hell out of it.
MrConcise 35
@24 - And that reminds me of Derrick Comedy's ******* sketch, starring the girl from The Office and Kimmy Schmidt.
Nanu77 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Give her full marks for the thought, some more for the effort. And forgiveness for accidentally hurting you. It will get better.!
wchil 14
this is one of the things I dont think gets better
FenHarel 9
Wow, marks? Please tell me I read that wrong and you don't mean marks as in hitting her? I'm really hopeful that it was just sarcasm that didn't translate.
Cyn1988 4
#116 he means marks as in points.
MrThump 16
Brings a new meaning to busting a nut. Ouch!!
dhut2131 12
I guess you really busted a nut.
Cassie4840 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Sounds like she's been reading too many things along the "Fifty Shades" vein...