Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML
Today, despite warning my new girlfriend I suffer from bad premature ejaculation, and should get her to orgasm first with my hand or mouth, she insisted I “just fuck her already” then she blamed me when it was over in 15 seconds. FML
Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML
Today, halfway through a blowjob, my girlfriend bit my penis because she suddenly decided that she was still annoyed at me for an argument we had last week. FML
Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
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Top comments
dramaelf 37
No pressure, then.
FalloutScrolls 25
Sounds like real keeper to me. Totally not crazy. Nope. Not one bit.
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Comments (133)
worldclassrager 41
Is that a signal that she doesn't want kids at all?
ZorroRooster 19
Who the hell cums after a 30 second *******?
dragoongirl90 34
Sorry, I meant to upvote this and my finger slipped.
the_real_dvd 21
Someone who's getting their first ******* maybe? But seriously, if she wants faster performers she should improve her technique.
ZorroRooster 19
I was so nervous the first time I was getting a ******* that I DIDN'T finish. Though I suppose everyone is different.
a1_z9 10
My first time giving a ******* he gave me no hints about whether I was doing it right or wrong (though to be fair its not like he should've given me a running commentary) so I just worried about whether I was doing okay until it was mercifully cut short. First times have a high likelihood of being extremely underwhelming, the best you can do is learn your lessons and try a bit more teamwork next time.
Delsanity 13
At least she wont have a problem if you finish fast
Sk8brdmenace 17
Next time go for a week before she goes down and put the best money shot all over her. Maybe she won't be as pushy then.
dragoongirl90 34
Wow, time to ditch the psycho!
puppies4life 10
holy shit
Omniprism 15
What a bitch. She thought she had the Midas touch but does not. Next you go down on her do the same thing.
zip1233333333434 11
It's possible she was just joking but if she wasn't she probably just got bored...
me1224 12
Tell her if she didn't suck so much you might have
missjess05 10
Lol our jaws hurt after a while