Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML
Today, despite warning my new girlfriend I suffer from bad premature ejaculation, and should get her to orgasm first with my hand or mouth, she insisted I “just fuck her already” then she blamed me when it was over in 15 seconds. FML
Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML
Today, halfway through a blowjob, my girlfriend bit my penis because she suddenly decided that she was still annoyed at me for an argument we had last week. FML
Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
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Top comments
dramaelf 37
No pressure, then.
FalloutScrolls 25
Sounds like real keeper to me. Totally not crazy. Nope. Not one bit.
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Comments (133)
careaw91 3
extreme dirty talk: phyco gf edition o.O
Big_Bear99 19
Yea, I dunno. I am scared for you. Zip up and run out!
SubparAtBest 23
Atleast finish first..
Nessco 36
On behalf of females everywhere; I'm truly sorry. I hope the next time she's more understanding and into it.
A_Net_70 7
Just love that four play talk .....
leogachi 15
@39 *foreplay
alex_jaguara 33
RUN, FOREST, RUN!
Jinxsie 27
I wouldn't want that mouth on my dick. But I don't have a dick so carry on.
Dave_Davington 35
Honestly, if I ever had to suck some bastard off, I'd probably be the same. Gagging on some guy's pork sword cannot possibly be a pleasant experience, even if you're into men.
nonsensical 26
Believe it or not, some women actually LIKE pleasing their man, just as some men LIKE pleasing their woman and eating them out for more than 30 seconds... If you find that disgusting maybe oral sex just isn't for you.
a1_z9 10
It can be rather tiring, if it was her first time maybe she didn't realise the effort involved and thought it had been longer. But she should have admitted she wasn't into it anymore rather than blame him.
tarlax 11
49, if you're dying over it, you're doing something wrong. You're not supposed to just throw yourself on it. Try stroking it or something instead. Jesus Christ.
leogachi 15
@45 Yes, some people do enjoy orally pleasing their partner. And some people do it only because they like to receive oral. If they didn't give in return they'd be a douche.
Xion0014 20
It's actually awesome especially when it's someone you love. You've probably never had sex or gotten oral. So you're probably judging without doing.
Hawk420 9
Are you sure it was only 30 second?
pete9913 23
wow! don't enjoy it, just get it over with, damn it!
daemonsparta 16
but when you cum fast during sex she'll bitch
tarlax 11
ikr?