Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML
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Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML
Today, despite warning my new girlfriend I suffer from bad premature ejaculation, and should get her to orgasm first with my hand or mouth, she insisted I “just fuck her already” then she blamed me when it was over in 15 seconds. FML
Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML
Today, halfway through a blowjob, my girlfriend bit my penis because she suddenly decided that she was still annoyed at me for an argument we had last week. FML
Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
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Top comments
dramaelf 37
No pressure, then.
FalloutScrolls 25
Sounds like real keeper to me. Totally not crazy. Nope. Not one bit.
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Comments (133)
curiouslilbird 19
Some folks do not enjoy giving or even receiving oral sex, due to strong aversions to germs or a gag reflex from hell (like mine) . In my first relationship, my BF pressured me so hard to give oral that I finally did, and I found out that there is nothing quite like choking and sputtering on your BF's manhood while he's cramming your nose into his pubic hair and joking with you that "ooh you like to use teeth, huh, b*tch?" It was incredibly demeaning, and he laughed and mocked me afterward for my lack of skill, saying that I still "owed" him for all the favors he'd done for me. Never mind that it was my first ******* ever; never mind that I really didn't want to do it and he nearly made me pass out. It was all about him, and he really didn't care how I felt about it. **TL;DR: OP, you may not have done anything like this, but it's clear that your GF isn't enjoying doing this for you, and sex of any sort should be enjoyed by BOTH parties, otherwise one of you is being selfish. This calls for serious communication so that you both can find out what each other likes best. Compromise is important in a relationship, but you don't want compromise to end up being resentment or hatred.
uhnevermind 24
The problem with your experience seems mainly that your boyfriend was a massive asshole. That's not a healthy way to treat someone during/after oral, or any kind, of sex.
a1_z9 10
Wow I'm sorry you had such a crappy first experience of oral! But not all crappy experiences are equal, it sounds like she just got bored and that's easy enough to work through, sometimes it takes time to realise good oral is about taking the time to enjoy making your partner enjoy it. I agree he can probably help her see it as less of a chore and communication is key though.
Savannahlynn214 12
Tell her to go suck on a virgins dick, and she should be satisfied
Keiraquarium 12
Considering this is OP's first *******, it's very likely that he IS a virgin
lexwilder 16
Clearly she doesn't have much experience with this, who only takes 30 seconds???
jsean91 3
lol first time should take about that long
sarcasmine 19
I don't think she likes having a dick in her mouth I guess
johnjkl 22
Hey at least you got a *******
lightbeam584 15
If she is such a bitch, i would totally break up with her
royalprincessf 3
Wtf
YoursAlways98 13
Some girls hate giving bjs. You two might not be compatible if that's the case.
Smo0chin 14
That's insane! I'm guessing she got what she asked for