Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML
Today, despite warning my new girlfriend I suffer from bad premature ejaculation, and should get her to orgasm first with my hand or mouth, she insisted I “just fuck her already” then she blamed me when it was over in 15 seconds. FML
Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML
Today, halfway through a blowjob, my girlfriend bit my penis because she suddenly decided that she was still annoyed at me for an argument we had last week. FML
Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
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Top comments
dramaelf 37
No pressure, then.
FalloutScrolls 25
Sounds like real keeper to me. Totally not crazy. Nope. Not one bit.
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Comments (133)
kurodansei 16
Gonna get that seed one way or the other. In this instance I'd prefer the hard way over surgery.
imapartypooper 15
I don't know, but threatening to cut someone's balls off does not sound like a turn on.
dramaelf 37
Depends what you're into, I guess.
yourLifeIsMean 4
18, any guy who's into getting castrated should not have testicles. It's sick, like necrophilia or liking snuff films.
SirMichael 13
Run.
jk_waks23 19
At least you get a ******* bro! My girlfriend is repelled by a penis! :/
AkBunny907 18
maybe your gf is really a lesbian...
AkBunny907 18
:3
laden_swallow09 35
Or it's just your own penis… or she's one of those religious fanatics who claim that any sense of sexuality is unnatural.
shepardkinz 19
Or maybe she is asexual?
AkBunny907 18
no where in his post did he leave any hint that she may be a religious extremest..
a1_z9 10
I was going to say maybe she's too young to be into all that yet but your profile says you're 20 so... ew.
leogachi 15
@54 Ew?
lovelockdown23 23
#35 it also doesn't say that she's Asexual or a lesbian. sooooo...
AkBunny907 18
#89 if a woman doesn't like dick that would normally lead people to assume that she may be asexual or lesbian..unless you have a better idea
jk_waks23 19
Ummm no guys! She isn't a lesbian! She just doesn't like to perform oral sex! Just my bad luck I suppose!
WOTAN1488 24
Cum and run. Cum and run!!!!!
heyitslogan 16
I assume she doesn't like bjs?
AkBunny907 18
Hey look at the bright side, she can never complain that you don't last long in bed.....
valkyire 8
At least that means you lasted long
SubparAtBest 23
30sec isnt long though. Op never said how long it actually took.
weveallbeenthere 30
hopefully you were able to finish after that
Anro_fml 17
I hate when they think it'll happen that fast! They took up the job they're gunna have to be patient.
FenHarel 9
Maybe it feels like it longer than it is when you're performing. still, though. if you don't like it then don't do it, or stop doing it and find some other way to make up for it.