Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Today, I was talking on the phone to my crush so I went into the bathroom for some privacy. My drunk mother started banging on the door, asking what I was doing in there. I told her that I was on the phone, so she yelled super loud, "While you're shitting?" He immediately hung up. FML
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML
Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML
Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I anxiously waited 8 hours for an important phone call. The phone rang while I was sitting on the toilet. FML
Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML
Today, while sitting on the toilet, my phone pocket dialed my boss's cell. He was in the next stall. He answered. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
jkozzy 8
If his boss ever calls, say the same thing. ;)
Welshite 40
If you are a regular here, you ought to know better. I thought it was standard for FMLers everywhere to take their phones with them into the bathroom.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (120)
mvc3ftw 17
Slip laxatives in his morning coffee on the day of an important meeting at his job,see how long he takes on the shitter.
perdix 31
Girls prefer guys who shit fast, or so I've heard. OK, I haven't heard . . . you should know I make shit up.
olpally 33
Sounds like something my dad would say... Lol... I always keep my phone on me... Even when ********... I never go anywhere without it. Call her back. :)
keven501 12
Man get your shit together and go faster
LaBooskie 1
Tough shit, OP. Hopefully the girl wont mind.
matt98_fml 13
Do the same thing to him when someone important calls.
perdix 31
Your dad is a shitty wingman! Are you sure he doesn't have his eye on the girl, and tried to muscle you out of his way?
Snazzy_Snaz 17
That would be wayyyy weird
perdix 31
I know! But why would a dad go out of his way to mess up his boy's game so badly? My dad hooked me up with one of his students (after the quarter was over.) Before you people go nuts, he was a college professor and I was also going to college at the same time. If I saw this story, I'd wonder if the dad was a third-grade teacher and the son a 29-year-old loser.
berryblizzard 11
It's honestly not that big of a deal. She should know everyone poops. Although your dad shouldn't have done that, that was uncalled for. But I'm sure she can bug you about it later :)
leydia 10
That sucks. Tell her your dad only said that because he was trying to embarrass you, or mutter something about how your dad was raised by a pack of wolves and has no social graces. Good luck Op.
DomAce 4
That's dad for you