Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, on the train, I got excited when I suddenly noticed I had a missed call and voicemail from a boy I liked. With a grin on my face, I told my friend. My dad overheard and said, "Oh sweetie, he probably had the wrong number." The voicemail was blank. I texted him. The call was indeed an accident. FML
Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML
Today, I got a missed call from my dad, who hasn't talked to me in months and has vowed not to have anything to do with me. I called him back excitedly and apologized for missing his call, and we had a 20-second conversation about how his phone accidentally dialed my number. FML
Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML
Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said, "Is your dad home?" I replied, "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says, "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML
Today, my dad let me use his phone. Five minutes later, he had my mom call it because he thought he'd lost it. FML
Today, my father got married. He left me a voicemail to tell me all about it. FML
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Today, while sitting on the toilet, my phone pocket dialed my boss's cell. He was in the next stall. He answered. FML
Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML
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Top comments
BassGirl 5
shit happens
MzMegs 20
Disgusting. :(
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Comments (108)
MzMegs 20
Disgusting. :(
daltreix 3
yum, that sounds tasty
LightSkinFresh 0
did he die?
12596 0
he was either ******** or something just as strenuous
Sayhwhat 0
yum
YDI_S 0
YDI for your dad getting a new phone and puting you on speed dial. You have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump.
gopherguy 0
lmao 11
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Is it just me, or are the trolls getting lazier and less creative around here? =
MAGNAVOX 0
Isn't taking a shit normal?
dreamering 16
@56. Trolls are getting laid or getting a big dump. Either way they are justified. Wannabies suck anyway.
dreamering 16
By the way: How did he find out that the dump was monstrous? Did he hear a thunder or something?
legonut6 0
Not trolling, but no one is forcing you to sit through listening to the whole voicemail, so YDI for listening to each one in full even when it was obvious that it was a useless voicemail.
YouAlwaysDeserve_fml 0
Gg noob just leave u suck, u gav me first blood and now ur feeding? Lol i killed u as rhasta and ursa gg bily chendra(billypwnedyou) uswest. raped hard by girlsdontpoop u jewnoob
stephanie0613 0
How is this a FML? You weren't forced to keep listening to each voicemail, erase them and move on with your life. Problem solved.
my2centsworth 15
it's not just you.
SkateElement44 0
Amazing
stephanie0613 0
I agree with 81, it's so dumb that my comment got moderated :(
ugh_ppl_r_dumb 0
Ew thats nasty:/
Haterman123 0
ya think?
sowhatursayingis 0
can ya smell me now?
BassGirl 5
shit happens
wtfurcrazy 0
lol you're punny
erwinbear 0
guess OP's in a real shitty situation;P
mattman1994 0
poop
zp5 4
****.
mattman1994 0
indeed.
zp5 4
quite.
Haterman123 0
yea thumbs up If u like puns
zp5 4
*clicks thumbs down*
illegalnative 0
-pushes easy botton- boohoo
AlterCreed 0
pun.
megamandude455 10
hey 49
Bloodknight 22
Aww, somebody loves you!
W4X 0
So don't listen to voicemail from your dad.
Jaguar1234 0
that's greaaaaaaat
marinus_fml 20
Hahah your old man is pretty funny :) atleast you didn't accidently get one from him ******* a mistress? Why do you not answer your phons tho?
Nerrage 0
Butt dialing! It happens, even when your pants are down! Be glad it wasn't another time when his pants were down while your mom was around!
mintcar 10
Hahaha, oh dear.
ROFLBERRYPIE 0
OP you should "accidentally" dial your dad when you're having sex.
W4X 0
Op can't get pussycats or if it's a girl than Moby Dick.
DocBastard 40
If anyone can translate this into English, please do so.
W4X 0
My comment or the post?
illmatic2 16
Doc- He was saying that the OP can't find any girls to have sex with. Or if the OP is a girl then she can't find any guys to have sex with. I'm good at speaking stupid.
DocBastard 40
Really? That's really what that meant? Double you tee eff.
Kua_Mei 0
W4X was using titles of books or (is Pussycats a book? I can't recall) other media similar to the slang words for "******" and "penis," respectively, to indicate sex.
W4X 0
my comment would get moderated if I said the word... Hopefully you people can read my language. <3
abroms211 7
ahh yuckk lol! that would definitely kill the mood though!