Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML
Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML
Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Today, I had to shit really bad while I was in bed with my girlfriend. Luckily she was sleeping. I didn’t want to be obvious, so I closed all the doors, crept into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I accidentally let out the loudest fart. I got a text saying, “Walls are thin, you good?” FML
Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML
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Top comments
TheDrifter 24
I hate when that happens. At least when I'm doing it on purpose I can fart a catchy tune.
SkyDog 9
I thought that was "shitty situation".
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Comments (82)
TheDrifter 24
I hate when that happens. At least when I'm doing it on purpose I can fart a catchy tune.
cakefete2 31
Wonderful. I'm starting a new band on FML. With your expertise, you could lead the um... wind instrument section.
91hayek 31
putting the ASS in brass.
CTMPandemonium 16
I'm still trying to figure out how someone can butt dial with their pants down on the toilet :/ lol
PengiPou 12
Well that stinks
MRP360 14
prepare to be downvoted into oblivion
silvercamaro 22
This is the single most over used pun on FML
SkyDog 9
I thought that was "shitty situation".
Softballchick224 21
Literally.
iOceanus 18
This is just a thread of overused comments and replies--except for 11 because he was giving an example.
cakefete2 31
#11 is probably the first person I've seen use "shitty situation" without getting thumbed downed so hard their phone freezes.
xNotCreative 13
#15 Why does no one in your age-group know the definition of 'literally'?
morghandi 21
#58... I think since it was in regards to farting, literally applies...
grapefruit_hd 7
Well thats a shitty situation
KissMyAnthia200 12
Better been a damn good fart
euphoricness 28
He should fart in her mouth!
Queenie2014 11
You. Are. Sick.
zandalee 20
I'd say it was damn good! Lasted four minutes!!! :-$
grapefruit_hd 7
Good puun #44. Four For
scarman_fml 14
it's not a pun...
adkim78 17
Hey, she's gotta hear you fart eventually, right? it's not like it will damage your relationship in any way so just laugh about it
FrancesShiver 20
I will pay so much for seeing her reaction ;-;
FrancesShiver 20
Darn typos
Mynamewontfi 40
That's embarrassing, but also pretty funny. She might think it's funny too and not make a big deal out of it.
JMichael 26
Have fun explaining that one! Hopefully she's got a sense of humor and you two can laugh it off.
BadApple88 29
Everyone farts. Hopefully she finds it hilarious
maty172 14
That's a shitty situation.
Futacy 30
...Go sit in the corner.
Queenie2014 11
DIE!!!
cakefete2 31
Actually, do both. That way we don't have to haul your dead body to the corner.
glabberfasted 16
Jesus Christ. Can the mods just put in the Comments Policy to NEVER EVER ******* EVER use this, or any variation of this.
grapefruit_hd 7
Your right #44 somebody just used this and got 40 up votes
buckdharma 38
If she saves it you know you're the one op.
zandalee 20
If she saves it, it may also mean she's The One!
cakefete2 31
If she sends you one of hers in response, start saving for a nice ring.
grapefruit_hd 7
Op if she saves it as her ringtone for only your messages and calls. Your da 1