Today, I was woken up early in the morning by the sound of my mother frantically crying out for help. Apparently she had tried, unsuccessfully, to "end the suffering" of an injured squirrel by drowning it in the toilet. How? By placing it into the bowl and smothering it with clothes. My clothes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom asked me to pull out the load of laundry she'd stuck in the dryer. Instead of clothes, I pulled out my dead cat. FML
Today, I woke up to my disabled mother screaming for me. Fearing the worst, I hopped out of bed only to find that she was yelling because her cat had brought a field mouse inside as a gift. The problem? It was still alive. I had to get it from him and throw it outside. FML
Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML
Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML
Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML
Today, my mom called me to the laundry room after she saw a dead animal in there. I took a look and agreed we should call animal control. After ten minutes of freaking out, they finally arrived to confirm that the dead animal was the hood to my winter jacket. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, and I had to save him. I now have a soggy cat and scratched arms. FML
Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML
Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML
Today, my mom's intense fear of tornadoes caused her to break into the bathroom, drag me off the toilet while I was changing my tampon, and drag me to the basement with my pants around my ankles to join my father, brother, and my brother's best friend. FML
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Top comments
lolasains 7
Smart mom you got there.
Sinamoi 18
Poor squirrel...
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Comments (266)
Chaos187 6
Well at least she tried...
moop256 10
Yeah if anything her heart was in the right place
Kenik 6
I think the mother might have a slight case of insanity.
JustinComments 3
I think the mother might have a small case of Squaids.
RadikulRam 16
#1 Yeah atleast she tried to kill a squirrel to end it's pain by drowning it because I'm sure that's fun, being drowned to death, and she failed ontop of that. God knows what they did to it afterwards. The squirrel probably just had a limp or something.
HahaHokayThen 10
I cringed when I read this.
skullcandifiedDJ 5
Yeah, drowning a squirrel is DEFINITELY gonna kill it quick and painlessly... She's demented. It's more of a "FML" for the squirrel..
HahaHokayThen 10
"Today, I broke my leg. A crazy woman decided to end my pain by shoving me in her toilet & smothering me with clothes. FML"
Shindib 2
lol you gotta understand.. it was dying and my mother does not know how to handle this situation with any normal amount of rational thought.. she tried to do what was best.. what she should have done was called someone that actually knew what to do.. lol
crisspz 4
today I was going about my business collecting nuts since I'm a squirrel and all, when I stubbed my toe on a branch then some crazy lady tried to drown me in her own urine. FML
sk8er2470 3
RWJ
graham11 14
1- that's what your dad said when your mom tried not to get pregnant with you. Okay that was unnecessary but a sudden evil urge came over me *evil laugh*
dcg1375 7
Are you kidding me??? This actually happened?? Can you say "RED NECK"!!! This is one of the most effed up FMLs I have read! Wow.
ohSNAPyall 27
Not so anonymous now, eh, Shindib?
lolasains 7
Smart mom you got there.
monkeysareyummy 0
Hope they weren't nice clothes.. If they were ratty old clothes then it might not be as bad. But still that sucks.
EvilPotato 15
Clearly drowning is the QUICKEST and EASIEST way to kill an injured animal...obviously *rolls eyes and sighs*.
LolFMLnot 10
She was taken revenge because you died her hair orange.
cathyfang1533 12
I don't see how the squirrel would help..but okay...
2muchfun1 7
Today, while enjoying my day full of nuts, some crazy bitch tried to drown me in her toilet. FML Poor squirrel!
laurbear12 3
194, did you ride the short bus?
thantomaniac 0
Would be a shame if anything were to happen to her..
farhil 14
Ssssssssssss
eurostar710 11
Your mom.... Is a dumb ass.
kkeener12 5
Why, mom? Couldn't you just have burned my clothes instead? toilet water and squirrel blood...yeah, that's exactly what the washing instructions say on my $80 jeans.
graham11 14
194- seriously?! OP's mom is trying to drown the damn squirrel! DUH
Peach3 1
I'm sorry but that made me laugh. Most inventive way to kill EVER. But sorry about your clothes!
emochicksrule 1
What is Perdix?
Peach3 1
A very frequent FML commenter.
graham11 14
34- NOOB! *alarm goes off*
graham11 14
15- Theisland and perdix are the first two people who would come up with that type of torture for squirrels..
graham11 14
159- do you take that broomstick and make squirrel shiskabobs?
sparkrok 8
and they're coming to take me away, hahaaaa! to the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time... am I the only one that knows that song...?
sparkrok 8
it would appear that is the case
PandasEatYou 5
And I'll be happy to see those nice young man in their clean white coats Lol no it's an awesome song by Napoleon XIV
sparkrok 8
yes! 213 has my back. I knew there had to be SOMEONE out there. thanks 213 :)
ohSNAPyall 27
I don't know it well enough to quote it, but y'all aren't alone out there. Ha ha! Ho ho!
lotrgeek 10
I know that song!
graham11 14
178- oh shit I'm gonna find this song now!!
sparkrok 8
272 - let me know if you like it!
Palirose 22
Well... I suggest you get your mom something more productive to do.
getoustahere 7
Like go back in the kitchen? Haha
Palirose 22
No. Homes don't take care of your loved ones, if anything they abuse them.
Palirose 22
O.o you're making jokes when in fact it is not funny, when you're at that age where your children want to put you in a home, and you go and they abuse you. Remember this day. Js I will never put my mother or any other loved one in a home.
downtime 13
Nice broad statement there 57. I'd like to see where you collected your evidence that shows ALL nursing homes abuse people.
graham11 14
I love watching idiots get owned. It gives me a strange feeling of satisfaction.
hotPinklipstick 24
57- There are 3 people in my family that work in a nursing home and they have never abused the patients there. They go out of their way to provide the best care for them. Most of the injuries are cause by the patients themselves. The patients may forget though due to dementia and Alzheimer's, and they blame it on the nurses/doctors. So before you go around talking crap about the care nursing homes provide actually find legit evidence and not rumors or falsified statements.
xcowboys 0
No matter how good the service the nursing home is, i feel like that isnt much of an existance. When and if i reach the age that i need to be taken care of is when i roll into a mall with a bomb stapped to my wheelchair. Because thats the way to go out.
Jaxx66 21
Homes are only good to get rid of unwanted trash. My mother will live with me, and my father will be in a home and have no visitors.
downtime 13
223, That is the stupidest shit I've ever heard. Some people are not able to be around 24/7 to keep an eye on their parents/grandparents and ensure they are safe, ESPECIALLY those with serious conditions. You may have a job where you work from home, most of us don't, so don't insult people who simply don't have the resources to care for people and survive at the same time. Dipshit.
keven501 12
That's not a goldfish
imaginaryvoice 18
Is that how you suggest ending the life of a goldfish? Drowning it?
Marcella1016 32
lmfao
iamyourgod 3
18 - What?
HatefulPilot 0
18 & 94: laughed at those comments, LOL.
skizza_fml 3
it is possible to drown a fish, just thought I'd let you know, if you put a fish in a tank which is too small and don't change the water often enough it uses all the oxygen in the water and drowns (awaiting down votes)
94yhy 8
You would be suffocating the fish, not drowning it.
SpruceDread4578 13
It's like throwing a bird off a cliff.
Sinamoi 18
110- What if it's a penguin?
graham11 14
94- it's like burying Theisland in an oxygen tank!
iamyourgod 3
Your all complete idiots idiots. He's making reference to the fact you flush dead or sick goldfish down the toilet, not that water can drown a fish. He's making a joke because she's trying to dispose of a squirrel in a similar way, but apparently most of you don't get it.
Shindib 2
rofl
Shindib 2
Oh man this little shoot off of posts is excellent lmfao
imaginaryvoice 18
No one is an idiot here. The only thing I see are a few people stating their opinions, and a jackass. I see the reference he was trying to make. But OP had said that her mother had tried to put the squirrel out of its misery by drowning it. Therefore, I don't really see how stating that it's not a goldfish fits in unless you are trying to drown the goldfish, to put it out of its misery. What I don't understand here is how it was so easy for you to catch on to keven501's reference, but so difficult for you to catch on to mine.
superpoptart 24
And everyone else was joking too.
Marcella1016 32
Just as obvious as it was to you that 6 was joking, it was just as obvious to the rest of us that 18, and every comment after her, was also joking. The jokes appear to have been lost on you, however. If I were you, I would reevaluate who the actual "******* idiot" is.
mk58 31
But name calling is fun...
thantomaniac 0
DEVOLVED* I suggest that those of you who don't understand satire refrain from replying or voting.
Isoldael 27
152 - definitely humane as well, flushing SICK goldfish. I wonder if your parents did that to you as a kid "omg, he's got a cold, quick, flush him!"
iamyourgod 3
169 - the fact that that I typed that on an iPhone makes "your" a insignificant error, it could have been much worse. And no, you can not drown a fish. Drowning requires lungs by definition. You can asphyxiate a fish, or deplete them of oxygen, but this is not drowning. Putting fish in fresh water or salt water is more like poisoning than drowning.
iamyourgod 3
180 - Do you know what a quote is? Paraphrasing me and then putting it in quotations does not mean I said it.
iamyourgod 3
And when I posted that the comment had -10 votes, so obviously people were not getting the joke.
farhil 14
169 - "salt water fish environment" Derp 239 - I am also on my phone, but I never misuse your/you're, were/we're/where, their/there, or other commonly misused homonyms. Phones aren't an excuse for laziness.
Sinamoi 18
Poor squirrel...
NOTquiteRAMBO 10
Poor OP...
mk58 31
Nah, OP isn't the victim of an attempted drowning.
Ozone1232 5
Yet...
Jesus_Christ69 0
Drowning is one of the worst ways to die. Just shoot it in the head with a 12 gauge if you want to make it quick.
p3mguin 7
^ words of my savior....
Jesus_Christ69 0
Amen.
Jesus_Christ69 0
Chuck Norris is my baby. Learns from the best.
Jesus_Christ69 0
Lies. I'm my own father. ******* rumors these days.
shots1996 8
1) i dont think jesus is sposed to cuss And B) save ammo use a .22
Jesus_Christ69 0
Actually no if you're a man you'll use a 10 or an 8 gauge. ******* blow it's head off. And no I'm allowed to swear whenever the **** I want, what am I going to punish myself? But YOU GUYS are not allowed.
MerrikBarbarian 9
If you blow it's head off though you don't get a nice skin to mount and sell on eBay though. Also makes skinning it for squirrel stew harder. ;p
getoustahere 7
Da ****?
graham11 14
9- da **** is wats up!
getoustahere 7
129- you got that right! Lol
graham11 14
193- right on boii!
slushpup9696 12
It boggles my mind that fully grown adults are still stupid enough to do this.
efemel94 7
Go to the boggle contest in Dallas
THE_A_TEEN 28
Boggle? Boggle Boggle? ... … … ... ... … Boogle?
imaginaryvoice 18
At least you don't have to do laundry this week
shots1996 8
Shitty clothes though i bet they smell like crap and wet squirrel
alexturner19 0
GOOTM.. Get out of the mirror..