Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML
Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML
Today, while out for dinner with my parents, a woman, approximately the same age as my mother, repeatedly propositioned me for sex during the course of my meal. After declining firmly several times, she only stopped after my mother convinced her I was gay. FML
Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML
Today, my friends switched my mom and my girlfriend's numbers in my phone. I sexted my mom. FML
Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
iAlissa 34
Maybe the woman respects herself enough not to sleep with a stranger
jensen21 19
When you use "finally gave in" it seems like you were definitely harassing her.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (354)
VasNormandy 14
Maybe you should be less aggressive with your intentions and things like this wouldn't happen.
drshn 22
totally agree with you. Be nice dude.
BasketGhost 17
You seem like a douche.
gc327072 31
AHAHAHA YDI, ya tool.
AH1Zviper 15
You could say that OP sounds like a dimmadouchebag.
addioty 19
Good for her! You really need to learn the meaning of no.
TheCerealKiller 24
Well. Sounds like your mother did raise you that way. The solution to this is obvious. Look towards your window and yell, "THE BEACONS HAVE BEEN LIT, GONDOR CALLS FOR AID." then run out.
TheCerealKiller 24
I sense there is a lot of rustled jimmies and not enough LOTR fans.
queerdragon 20
Okay, precious, gimli a second, I just have to axe you. Are you in the hobbit of making obscure LoTR comments? The ring is, elf you are, you might want to rethink doing it.
TheCerealKiller 24
Rohan never answered so either way I'm screwed.
queerdragon 20
I guess the Time of Man is not upon you.
bellidona 15
Wat the hell O.o
bobo_the_bear 5
Hilarious. Can't believe this got voted down
ahippienamedrae 10
Smart girl right there.
Thorzix 23
If you talk to a girl with the first thing in mind being to sleep with her, you ******* deserved it.
Wakachulak 22
Are you telling me there's straight guys out there who talk to girls without that thought in mind? I did not know that!
pazuzus_intern 10
#84 I can't even count the different kinds of stupid breeding in that comment.
Wakachulak 22
And yet, I would probably mop the floor with you in an IQ test. The only stupid people here is my hater gang and the hipster morons thinking jumping on the bandwagon makes them popular. It doesn't
olpally 33
YDI, girls don't like being pressured like that you idiot. Show some respect. When she says no, it means no.
bellidona 15
Touché my good man :-)
Iamleftout 1
#20 You sound like such a gentleman. We definitely need more people like you.
utrax 23
You seem like an asshole, OP.
SexyQueen0905 24
"Sure I could get her to sleep with me"? Seriously? You're the type of guy Blurred Lines was written for. You sound like a douche, YDI. P.S. I am curious as to what your mother replied.