Today, my obnoxious bully of an aunt forced me to walk a mile to the store in the rain to buy her a lottery ticket. When I got back, she thanked me by scream-singing “When Somebody Loves You” in the most ear-rapingly atrocious caterwaul imaginable. We’re staying with her for the rest of the week. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today my auntie who helps run a HOA sent me out on a quick errand to deliver some fines. Now I know why she didn’t want to go herself. Several fines were for one guy, one very large angry guy, who let his dog trap me in the garden while he yelled at me for 5 whole minutes until I cried. FML
Today, like every other day, my mother, who I live with due to circumstances outside my control, harasses me every twenty minutes and generally treats me like her personal slave. When I dared complain, she had the audacity to tell me I’m lucky to “live a life of service.” Yeah, fuck you too. FML
Today, my mom yelled at me for trying to return a shopping cart to the cart corral. She then forced me to leave it in the parking lot. FML
Today, I woke up to my yard covered in snow, Christmas music playing loudly, and my noisy, obnoxious aunt and her three year old twin daughters playing and screaming. They're going to be living with us until after the winter holidays. It's only November 18th. FML
Today, I'm hiding in my own house, because my crazy neighbor wants to "play." Yesterday when I agreed, she made me spend the whole day with her, then burst into tears when I had to leave. She's been waiting outside for over two hours. FML
Today, I was trying to cope with my emotions so I could hold them back, but mom made it worse by inviting my niece, who is only attracted to my sister-in-law AKA Mommy, and she will cry till she gets her way. What a fucking day. FML
Today, I reluctantly went to a family get together. My nosy aunt decided to try to lecture me on why I should spank my kids. That’s great coming from a woman who was a teen mom, had kids with 3 different guys, and now has grown kids that hate her guts. Yeah I truly need lessons on how to be a mom. FML
Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage." When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML
Today, I visited my Aunt in hospital. Another patient got jealous, so she threw a tantrum. She threw things at us, pulled her drip out, threw herself to the floor, screamed, pounded the floor with her fists and pissed herself. My aunt is still waiting for a new room, and the staff blame me. FML
Today, I came home from work to find my things outside my yard and the door locks changed. I called my wife to let me in and she told me to go live with, “That homewrecking whore who texted you last night” instead. She’s talking about my cousin, who informed me via text that my aunt’s in the hospital. FML
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Top comments
SirEnigM0nk 22
"Ear-rapingly Atrocious Caterwaul" sounds like a great debut album name if RichardPencil starts a band. OP's aunt might make the cut for the B-sides.
RichardPencil 32
I hope she wins the lottery! She could get some singing lessons.
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Comments (4)
cuz803 46
Maybe she really does love you and is showing her twisted version of affection. Speaking of twisted...sing out loud "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister to protest her antics.
RichardPencil 32
I hope she wins the lottery! She could get some singing lessons.
SirEnigM0nk 22
"Ear-rapingly Atrocious Caterwaul" sounds like a great debut album name if RichardPencil starts a band. OP's aunt might make the cut for the B-sides.
RichardPencil 32
Well, I am trying to get the old band, Satan's Anus, back together. I don't know if it'll happen -- we ripped apart badly. Maybe I'll reassemble my other project, Idiocy Odyssey, a Journey insult band, where I'll reprise my persona of Peeve Dingleberry.
AzraelAngelus 15
I’d just start walking to the nearest greyhound station