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Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML
Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML
Today, my husband got jealous of my new vibrator. I got the vibrator to "spice things up" between us, because he hasn't touched me in months. FML
Today, I was having my 9 year-old son help me find the TV remote. We were searching my bedroom when all the sudden my son says, “Look, mom it’s right here!” I turn around to see him pointing to where the remote was with my vibrator like a teacher pointing at a blackboard with a pointer. FML
Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML
Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML
Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML
Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML
Today, I found out that the mother of my children named her vibrator after me. We are together and have not had sex in over 18 months. I have no idea what to do with this information. FML
Today, for the third time this week, I came home to my wife asleep in bed, her pants down, and her vibrator in her hand. She keeps refusing sex because she "isn't in the mood" and insists there's nothing wrong. To rub salt in the wound, I bought her the vibrator as a gift, hoping to spice things up. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
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Top comments
Adam5858 17
Take the t.v Remote and all answers will be given
TheGriizlyBear 22
Turn the WiFi off, wait for a bit at the router and interrogate him there.
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Comments (58)
Adam5858 17
Take the t.v Remote and all answers will be given
acommonman 23
then OP's husband won't disclose the location of the vibrator, since the TV can still be used without the remote
sicksadworld1317 30
He'll never flip through the sports channels quickly enough without the remote,17.
uniformed 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
ydi for not sleeping with him instead.
R3TROxLOV3 32
You're an idiot. For all we know, she sleeps with him everyday. She might be in one of those situations where he finishes before she does, and doesn't bother to try and get her off afterwards. Why do some guys think that a vibrator is almost equivalent to cheating, but are perfectly fine with getting off to ****?
UberNova 18
Damn, you have done a lot of assuming there from one sentence. I mean, he didn't even bring up cheating.
askullnamedbilly 33
Also, I'm betting 'not enough sex' wasn't the issue here. He probably was curious about the vibrator and wanted to experiment, but felt too embarrassed to ask her. Or simply tried to hide it because he was jealous. Who knows? Maybe OP'll post an update.
mageepaigeee44 15
I agree with the first half of 4's comment. Maybe they have plenty of sex but she just still likes to use her vibrator. Maybe he finishes before her or she can't achieve ****** through sex which is extremely common.
uniformed 13
takes one to know one. taking it so personal it sounds like you may have these issues at home yourself.
itooamscrewed 10
So you never ********** then? Must be nice. Unfortunately women don't tend to get off during sex and most partners hardly make an effort, so we have to do it ourselves. or maybe she tried and he turned her down.
HanBroman 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Obviously he had an issue with it if he took it from her. its getting attention that he wants, which is fair enough. it's probably gonna please her better than he can so it's understandable if he feels threatened. I really want a vibrator since my boyfriend sucks at pleasing me but he tries so hard to make me happy and I know it would upset him if i got one. it would definitely take away from our sex life (if I was masturbating by myself all the time) and it would also make sex with him feel less pleasurable in comparison. it would be nice but we're both committed to only being sexual together. if he can resist ever masturbating without me (despite me insisting he can do it whenever he likes if he wants to) i can do this for him. We have toys which we use together and that's it.
lil_ham1644 29
#30 apparently you haven't been sleeping with the right guys. I enjoy sex very much and my bf makes sure that I ****** at least once every single time. If there's something wrong, there's this thing called communication & it's no longer an issue
HanBroman 20
#42 in my relationship communication is by far the greatest priority but unfortunately I just cannot get off during sex. it's not an issue of size, perhaps we're just not skillful enough and it will take time, but whatever it is my boyfriend spends every moment trying to please me and I respect him so much for that.
cwaziemamma 16
Maybe he sucks in bed and can't satisfy her as much as she can pleasure herself
HanBroman 20
Every couple is different and im sure theres many guys who are happy to have their girl pleasure herself with a vibrator who have the healthiest of relationships. We work best when we put each other first in absolutely everything and obviously that means a lot of compromise but if we both try to look out for what the other person wants all the time then everyone is happy and our relationship is stronger. if he wants to only share sexual experiences together then I'm happy with that. We're both very jealous people so It works for us
mannatee 19
#4- you're seriously assuming that much from half a sentence? Why the hell do girls think they are the most important and don't give a shit about men?
TheMathMajor 26
HanBroman, you could suggest getting a vibrator for him to use on you during sex. I know that I can't get off from penetration, so I basically ********** to finish after my boyfriend is done and that works well for us. (He continues to touch and kiss me when I do this). It just takes some experimenting to get it right, and I know it can be frustrating when you are a bit inexperienced. I didn't ever ****** with my first partner.
cjwayy 22
#2, she's not obligated to have sex with her husband. Just because two people are married or in a relationship does not mean they HAVE to have sex.
lexa1love 16
Some girls cannot ****** when being with their partner. However, I have actually taken sex therapy classes for fun. One suggestion is to try multiple positions. Sometimes a female cannot finish when the male is on top of her based on the size or location, but has no issues when she is on top, etc.
briggsopposed 8
Just hope he wasen't practicing on the cat
MzZombicidal 36
What the ****?
acommonman 23
failed attempt at a pussy joke
TheGriizlyBear 22
Turn the WiFi off, wait for a bit at the router and interrogate him there.
Yeshua_fml 19
Couldn't take the competition...
cakefete2 31
He wanted to see what all the buzz was about. Now he's really getting some good vibes.
Killz268 18
you always got the trusty showerhead
cakefete2 31
There's also the electric toothbrush. OP can also throw a load in the dryer. Heard that works too.
whenitdidhappen 14
but...but,he was just having fun
acommonman 23
what reason does he have to hide it from you?
brand125 17
its embarrassing to stick things up your ass, especially if your a guy. atleast thats how i took this fml, he could be just hiding it from her.
Baucis 10
Sounds like you're not the only one who enjoys it, OP.
Danny_Boy12 13
That's gonna make for a bumpy conversation