Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband left his phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being very curious, I called "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML
Today, I received frantic calls and messages from my husband wondering where I was and if I was cheating on him. I was in the same house as him. FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML
Today, I decided to go through my husband's phone to make sure I invited everyone to the surprise party I was planning for him. There were a few I had missed so I called to let them know about it. The last number I called was his girlfriend. FML
Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours, only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML
Today, I found out that my husband keeps in contact with the woman he was infatuated with in high school. He texts her more than he texts me. FML
Today, my husband and I switched phones by accident. I've already received several naked pictures from one of his co-workers. FML
Today, I ran into my husband and his mistress. He was picking her up at the airport. I was catching a flight to a conference with my boss. He had flowers for her, and his arm around her. My boss knows my husband as well. FML
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Top comments
hbcbmx 5
Change the locks while hes gone ;)
geod69 8
Probably with his other mistress
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Comments (265)
DogReypistPANDA 6
I'm sorry.
Eaglestrike117 29
At least you know he isn't cheating on you right now... unless he has a SECOND mistress! o.0
urdirtyolduncle 15
You call it cheating. I call it pimping.
lovelife_1284 3
I call it a load of shit!!
kidtoronto 5
i'd be so emotionally confused in that situation
AnonymousTroll 2
You know Charlie Sheen??
ashtonkay 7
Haha your sorry? Don't be sorry, you shouldn't be a sorry person. It's not good for you (:
ayooBrandon 12
i smell a 3rd mistress
bizarre_ftw 22
Wow if you can smell her than op should be twice insulted for his choice in women
alexnumber14 2
Lol
bizarre_ftw 22
Also, why have we all looked over the possibility of a boyfriend? :) Just saying, op should be open to surprises or we may be seeing another FML in the near future..
bizarre_ftw 22
*then (phone, touch screen, autocorrect = annoying. *facepalm*)
Notimetobleed 14
bizarre_ftw, are you a vampire?
rainydayz133 6
Op is a girl, she found out that her husband has a mistress
reaganomics 6
Two women pissed at one guy......hell hath no furry like a woman scorned
bizarre_ftw 22
116 no *shifty eyes* why do you ask?
guppyfishlette 1
Well you're a sexy vampire(: oh... Was that my outside voice >.>
paperdoll14 0
And now..he's scorned two ..possibly three.
jamiecornish95 0
I agree with #45
ohwellwhyme 2
Fh
ohwellwhyme 2
Oops
thatssomeBS 9
67: I smell a 4 way.
cjhilde 1
158 is the 3rd mistress...smells like bacon
Naitsi 19
me too
Notimetobleed 14
143 och 158, one is a lesbian och other is dead, nasty.
Haha_no_123 11
#128 thank you captain obvious
hbcbmx 5
Change the locks while hes gone ;)
TherealMort 0
Put him in the basement and chain him to the radiator and leave the swinging cracked light on. Then lock the door and leave him there like in the cartoons.
Comet_Candy 23
Genius!
jwade11 12
59-- extremely pretty!
SillyFart 7
Comment not moderated
TheRealBruce 12
Oh you like mistresses then I'm going to make you smoke a whole carton of cigarettes wait...I do not know where I'm going with this
DKParth13 5
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one to know......
geod69 8
Probably with his other mistress
FMMFL1992 3
Last week he was with his other other mistress.
bizarre_ftw 22
Actually, this week he's Really at the office. Either that or with his second family in Utah
ah21 0
No duh
vroooom 2
he probably realized he forgot his other cp and knows that hes ******.
alival 12
Now he's in trouble with two women! Well he deserves it!
SillyFart 7
Yo dawg I heard you like mistresses so we put a mistress in yo mis... Damn that doesn't work..
t765234 10
66- Yo dawg, I heard you like mistresses, so we put a mistress inside yo mistress... But they both died...
SillyFart 7
Ok I got it this time... Yo dawg. I heard you like mistresses so we put a mistress in yo mistress so you can miss yo mistress as you miss yo misstress
MrSexyPants 14
I love it. All of you. Bravo.
ALpein 0
Jogging to his latest booty call.
MrRocknTwigs 6
He is condemned to the nightmare of all men. Lol
Henneryy 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Kinky ?
leogirl95 12
Not really, no.
KiddNYC1O 22
Slutty.
SillyFart 7
Well, wherever he is I think it's safe to say his penis is learning harden.
topie_fml 6
How the **** is that kinky?
Unstoppabl3 0
I thought you said "I heard my vibrator in my husbands desk" O.o
upyourzlolz 11
It's there alright. Just two drawers over.
zombicidal 11
that's where I thought this was going
ZombieLoveA 0
Same here.
imaninja1 9
Agreed ^^
fl0ffy 0
ME TOO
Manganimegrl 16
Same.
vadim14 3
According to my calculations, that would make for a much more interesting fml.
vadim14 3
yes... yes. at the very least.
PandaPandy 6
I thought he was the one with the vibrator... XD
born_hustla 26
Husband...vibrator!?! Heyyy yoooo.. Lol
bubo_fml 11
op sez,"call me right back!" 1 guess where the phone gets inserted...Well...2-3 guesses...
Jonkbaby 23
I like reading about teamwork
MrBoredGuy 1
He's with number 3, time for a divorce
hotPinklipstick 24
I recommend contacting every board certified/good divorce lawyer around, even in the towns around you. When he tries to get a good lawyer it will be a conflict of interest for them to even speak to him and he will be stuck with a shitty lawyer and you will win the case and all his shit to go with it. After all cheaters don't deserve anything.
t765234 10
Yeah you should burn his cloths and kill his pets too, you know because cheaters reverse absolutely nothing, you might even want to sell all of his possessions and the house, if you live with him just buy a new one. *sarcasm*
t765234 10
Clothes* Deserve* Damn you auto-correct.
ShelbyyCakess 0
Don't kill his pets! They did nothing! ),:
ImaginaryFoe 1
#50, please don't pass off that old soap opera plot as truth. Unless OP actually puts each attorney from each firm on retainer, there is no conflict of interest. I highly doubt OP lives in one of the few places on Earth where there is a short supply of lawyers.
hoshi87 11
Too true, you need to act quickly
hotPinklipstick 24
Actually it does work, it's happened to me before, not with a divorce lawyer though.
frdmnky12 6
wow. when he gets back, both of you should ambush him!
bizarre_ftw 22
He might like that...
PinkElephants713 6
Or arrange a tea get hearing with her on the day he is to get back and be all like, "oh, hello have you met _____?"
PinkElephants713 6
Together **
deviable 9
Thank god you corrected that. I thought you were having a seizure and accidentally hit enter.
PinkElephants713 6
You know it!! :)
WeAreAHurricane 14
+5 points for being a sneaky cheater -100 for being a cheater in the first place -.-
nikkirenn 6
He wasn't that sneaky, he did get caught.