Today, my husband got jealous of my new vibrator. I got the vibrator to "spice things up" between us, because he hasn't touched me in months. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML
Today, I found out my husband is a cuck. After explaining that I'm not exactly satisfied in the bedroom, we were thinking of ideas to spice things up. I suggested buying a few toys he could use on me. He immediately got mad, because he wanted me to find other men to screw instead. FML
Today, for the third time this week, I came home to my wife asleep in bed, her pants down, and her vibrator in her hand. She keeps refusing sex because she "isn't in the mood" and insists there's nothing wrong. To rub salt in the wound, I bought her the vibrator as a gift, hoping to spice things up. FML
Today, I have an incredibly high sex drive. My boyfriend doesn't. He made me throw away my, rarely used, sex toys because he's jealous of them. I wouldn't need them if we had sex more. FML
Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that he felt so insecure he submerged my $80 vibrator in water to eliminate the competition. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML
Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating. I thought it was hot and asked if I could join in. He threw me a disgusted look and screamed that I’d ruined the whole mood. Now we’re both unsatisfied. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML
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Top comments
julfunky 29
If I hadn’t touched him in months I’d say it’s to be expected.
RichardPencil 32
A man can never match the frequencies of the machine. Truth Hertz.
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Comments (34)
user53658 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Well, how would you feel if your husband bought a male-sex-toy to 'spice things up'?
julfunky 29
If I hadn’t touched him in months I’d say it’s to be expected.
manb91uk 22
Depending on the toy, she might feel pretty ******* great!
Sheepiebeepie 26
Probably great, she is trying to ****, obviously. Men who get jealous of vibrators are insecure and possessive.
_ali__cat_ 14
well at least she's not "spicing things up" with a side dude
QueenAfrodite 8
Lol awesome because that’s the only way I would get a threesome lol.
interesting33 37
tell him to leave Buzzing Barry out of it!
Kitiara521 24
Maybe you should've got something you could both get something out of. I had a board game full of intimate confessions and sex dares that was pretty fun.
thehaystackerine 20
what's it called?
Kitiara521 24
It's been years since I lost it while moving. The closest I can find is a game called "Monogamy". There are other games of the same kind, though.
ChakatBlackstar 29
I believe they're talking about Onyx, a very customizable game of truths and dare-like cards on a monopoly-type board. You can add your own cards too, adjust it for various fetishes, tools, and each individual player's preferences and who they want to "play" with should you be playing in a group.
DanielleinDC 34
Depending on what sort of vibrator it is, the couple can use it together to enhance pleasure for both of them.
RichardPencil 32
A man can never match the frequencies of the machine. Truth Hertz.
interesting33 37
haha swewt
LAUGHINGKOMODO 25
For a split second I thought it said neighbor instead of husband. Imagine that. Your husband probably wouldn't care though.
Donut_Wizard 23
The plot thickens.
Lobby_Bee 18
Doesn't sound like spicing things up, sounds more like spicing your thing up. Nothing to do with your husband.
Nadine 21
If you get nothing out of pleasing your partner, then that is a sad dull sex life.
QueenAfrodite 8
You do know that both men and women enjoy and get pleasure from sex toys right??? Including vibrators. Gasp.... if you didn’t know. Now you know.
ChakatBlackstar 29
He should realize that it's not to replace him, but to supplement him, and he could use it for any number of things to make their intimate time even more intense.
gar2014 23
maybe he should just leave it to beaver ( Eminem )
Chazzster 32
I think the bigger issue would be to find out why OP’s husband “hasn’t touched her in months”. No sex toy is going to fix that until whatever issues are behind that are resolved. And there are so many possibilities as to where the true problem lies that it’s impossible to speculate on them in any reasonable way. There is no reason why a vibrator cannot be used in sex between couples and it can definitely help if the woman has a slow arousal issue as opposed to an emotional problem between the two. And just because one of the two is going through a time when they are not feeling a sexual desire does not mean the other has to forgo self-pleasure at an appropriate time. Should the underlying issue be a male sexual performance problem, he should see a doctor - And by the way Viagra has gone generic which saves on cost. It’s only embarrassing the first time you bring it up. In that case see a urologist - they hear that complaint quite a lot.