Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML
Today, my husband got jealous of my new vibrator. I got the vibrator to "spice things up" between us, because he hasn't touched me in months. FML
Today, I was having my 9 year-old son help me find the TV remote. We were searching my bedroom when all the sudden my son says, “Look, mom it’s right here!” I turn around to see him pointing to where the remote was with my vibrator like a teacher pointing at a blackboard with a pointer. FML
Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML
Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML
Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML
Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML
Today, I found out that the mother of my children named her vibrator after me. We are together and have not had sex in over 18 months. I have no idea what to do with this information. FML
Today, for the third time this week, I came home to my wife asleep in bed, her pants down, and her vibrator in her hand. She keeps refusing sex because she "isn't in the mood" and insists there's nothing wrong. To rub salt in the wound, I bought her the vibrator as a gift, hoping to spice things up. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
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Top comments
Adam5858 17
Take the t.v Remote and all answers will be given
TheGriizlyBear 22
Turn the WiFi off, wait for a bit at the router and interrogate him there.
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Comments (58)
jh921971 10
That's what happens when you replace your husband with a machine...
teentee401 37
Replaced is a strong word. I'm sure guys ********** when they aren't having sex, so why can't she? Maybe she uses it when she's alone it he's on business.
itooamscrewed 10
Masturbating isn't replacing your partner. Besides the obvious (sometimes you just want to get off), there are plenty of men who don't take the time to give their partner an ******, not even once in a while. And there's always the chance she's the OP from the previous post and was turned down.
MissBehavin77 18
It's not necessarily replacing, some girls don't have much of a choice. I use a vibrator often only because it's a lot easier than trying to get my boyfriend interested in sex, could be that same type of situation.
justawallflower 27
That's a little different.
vlalam 24
may be he needs it.. lol, jk... he is prank in u, just have fun and go with the flow
worldclassrager 41
Maybe we want to have you use him instead... Hope you find it OP no man can do what a vibrator can
AverageJoey 18
Maybe he is lonely and wants to have a night with just you and him.
Cynical_1 26
A lot of men do seem to feel threatened by their significant other's toys. I don't know why. I actually bought my wife a vibrator...it was great. We even spiced things up a little on occasion by using it together.
SilverSet 16
Yeah, but OP spent an hour looking for the vibrator instead of just telling her husband she was feeling aroused. Just from the wording it can be easy to take from this that she cares more about her vibrator than her husband. This could very well not be the case, but we'll probably never know.
askullnamedbilly 33
#61 Sometimes, people want sex with another person, sometimes they just want to pleasure themselves. It's completely legitimate to want to ********** even when your partner has time and would assist you. It's about pleasing yourself, just like treating yourself to a spa weekend or reading a good book. Masturbating in a relationship does not mean that you're not pleasing your partner or your partner isn't pleasing you.
AloysiusWeasley 15
You're not kidding. I don't think I've met a guy yet that didn't get all retarded about them, even though they're smaller than they are...
Nessco 36
Perhaps he just wants to use it with you instead.
feven 32
He couldn't take the pressure.
itooamscrewed 10
His play station should go missing until your vibrator turns up. Or you could suggest that since you don't have your vibrator, it's his job to get you off. I guarantee you'll "find it" quicker than you can say foreplay.
kyu_Q 19
I would take that deal everyday of the week. I would even burn down the sex toy store if it will get me with tasked my wife off
Imaginefree66 4
As a man, I'm curios how you know when your husband is lying. Maybe it's common to women?
Tomgirl1219 8
It probably just has to do with the fact that some people express very obvious, unconscious signs when they are lying. Some people more than others. OP has probably just been around her husband enough to know when he's lying by the signs he shows.
Emily062611 6
My husband doesn't make eye contact when he's lying. It's almost always something insignificant, but he'll look away or at something else. My brothers all over-embellish when they're lying, giving way too much detail. Most people have little "tells".