Halifax, Canada
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I have a "drinking problem". She says I don't drink enough. FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML
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