Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML
Today, my husband got jealous of my new vibrator. I got the vibrator to "spice things up" between us, because he hasn't touched me in months. FML
Today, I was having my 9 year-old son help me find the TV remote. We were searching my bedroom when all the sudden my son says, “Look, mom it’s right here!” I turn around to see him pointing to where the remote was with my vibrator like a teacher pointing at a blackboard with a pointer. FML
Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML
Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML
Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML
Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML
Today, I found out that the mother of my children named her vibrator after me. We are together and have not had sex in over 18 months. I have no idea what to do with this information. FML
Today, for the third time this week, I came home to my wife asleep in bed, her pants down, and her vibrator in her hand. She keeps refusing sex because she "isn't in the mood" and insists there's nothing wrong. To rub salt in the wound, I bought her the vibrator as a gift, hoping to spice things up. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
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Top comments
Adam5858 17
Take the t.v Remote and all answers will be given
TheGriizlyBear 22
Turn the WiFi off, wait for a bit at the router and interrogate him there.
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Comments (58)
TheCrewForever 1
Sharing is caring
Nickoli42 3
buy one for himself and he won't take yours. lol
martin8337 36
He should have put the batteries in backwards. That'll fix her.
yniguez09 14
He just wants to get some.
ultra_notorious 26
you think the real would be preferred unless you don't like creampies or facials
AloysiusWeasley 15
Wow, there are a lot of retarded people on here about sex toys. Prudes much? Anyway, OP, if you're absolutely sure, then for starters, buy another one and put it in the same spot. Also, withhold sex AND the remote until that thief gives it back. Personally, I'd take his car keys. If I want some warm-up with toys before play with my SO or I want it when he isn't home, damn right toys are the best.
T1A2Z3 35
Vibrators can be incredibly pleasurable for guys too... maybe he wanted to use it?
peterblackmer91 12
He's no doubt jealous of it.