Today, I found out that the mother of my children named her vibrator after me. We are together and have not had sex in over 18 months. I have no idea what to do with this information. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML
Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML
Today, I can't decide what's worse: the fact that my mother found my vibrator or that, as a prank, she replaced it with a realistic tarantula replica. She won't tell me where it is. FML
Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML
Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML
Today, I came home from work and found my sister using my vibrator in my own bed. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, my husband got jealous of my new vibrator. I got the vibrator to "spice things up" between us, because he hasn't touched me in months. FML
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Top comments
core01 30
"mother of my children" Not gf, not wife, not significant other. Nope. The baby maker shut her doors. Maybe she's tired of having your kids and a vibrator will never get her pregnant.
benjamn 24
lay in bed making buzzz noises. Seriously have a conversation, if she likes the toy incorporate into your love sessions. If there is something else she isn't getting then she needs to talk to you. Women that won't tell their partner what they want are getting what they ask for.
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Comments (10)
benjamn 24
lay in bed making buzzz noises. Seriously have a conversation, if she likes the toy incorporate into your love sessions. If there is something else she isn't getting then she needs to talk to you. Women that won't tell their partner what they want are getting what they ask for.
Plop 17
"lay in bed making buzzz noises" I'm.... No.... The mental picture.... BEST.COMMENT. EVER.
cuz803 46
The vibrator is your rival. Level up or stand by! GET READY FOR WAR
Jon Tessler 14
be glad she didn't name it after an ex, or a female friend
Wadlaen 24
Sounds like you've been replaced...
Charlie Given 28
just go through the damn thing in the trash then tell her the real things right here and if you don't want it pack your shit
core01 30
lol! Someone has some inadequacy issues
RichardPencil 32
It means you've been made obsolete by technology, Steely Dan. You must go. Find a Luddite woman who actually prefers dull human-on-human sex
core01 30
"mother of my children" Not gf, not wife, not significant other. Nope. The baby maker shut her doors. Maybe she's tired of having your kids and a vibrator will never get her pregnant.
Gemfez 17
Get a fleshlight or similar and name it after her.
TomeDr 25
Perhaps try to please HER during sex? Maybe she’s not satisfied and needs a sexual release that you haven’t been providing.