Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML
Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML
Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML
Today, at my son's soccer game, I tried to give him a bottle of Gatorade, but the top was damp with condensation and I couldn't get a grip. I wiped it dry and tried again, successfully this time. No big deal, except my wife was watching and screamed, "IT SHOULDN'T TAKE THAT LONG!" Everyone stopped and stared. FML
Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML
Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML
Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML
Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML
Today, during a soccer game, some utter moron got the bright idea of trying to score a goal from his side of the field. I sarcastically made a big show of just barely stopping the ball, and nailed it off to the side. The ball hit a kid so hard in the head that he had to go to the hospital. FML
Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML
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Top comments
zach205 24
Well, your son has a future in the professionals
_kyleG_ 34
If his little, it sounds pretty adorable; if he's older, he's a strategic asshole.
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Comments (166)
Badkarma4u 17
Welcone to soccer. I got in trouble for trying to be a tough guy and not taking dives. Its part of the game. Be proud if he was halfway believable
maharb01 17
if you ain't cheatin' you ain't Tryin? And don't worry too much, dives are easy to spot - I played in a rec league this past summer where the sidelines kept bursting into full applause when one of the guys kept taking dives. just make sure to coach him to roll around in pain holding the wrong leg after. . .
MrConcise 35
Ashamed of your kid? You could've taught him better. Shame on you.
fuckercakes 21
That is considered a game well played in the professional league
abc2601 20
It's a shame that this is all people see from professionals on TV, so they think it's the way to play
Weiss_Schnee 14
I'm sorry but I don't care if you're american but as a Brit it is my duty to tell you that it is 'football' not 'soccer'. Tell your son that it's the winning that counts and it doesn't matter what he dies to get there.
LyricaSilvan 30
The people in this comment section are a bunch of assholes...Every comment saying he shouldn't call his son an idiot and that the kid's just being a kid is thumbed way down. You guys need to grow up. And so does the OP.
iwadasn 33
It sounds like your son doesn't like playing soccer. Did you force him into it just because you like it?
ThatDamHuntress 20
Well He Won? Sorry, I don't understand soccer much.
Johnnycake23 42
If he is under 10 you sir are a dick. Otherwise I would be the same way!