Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML
Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML
Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML
Today, at my son's soccer game, I tried to give him a bottle of Gatorade, but the top was damp with condensation and I couldn't get a grip. I wiped it dry and tried again, successfully this time. No big deal, except my wife was watching and screamed, "IT SHOULDN'T TAKE THAT LONG!" Everyone stopped and stared. FML
Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML
Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML
Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML
Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML
Today, during a soccer game, some utter moron got the bright idea of trying to score a goal from his side of the field. I sarcastically made a big show of just barely stopping the ball, and nailed it off to the side. The ball hit a kid so hard in the head that he had to go to the hospital. FML
Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML
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Top comments
zach205 24
Well, your son has a future in the professionals
_kyleG_ 34
If his little, it sounds pretty adorable; if he's older, he's a strategic asshole.
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Comments (166)
zach205 24
Well, your son has a future in the professionals
Zehir_fml 10
We seem to have commented the exact same thing at the exact same time
pjsr 33
It couldn't be at the same time because yours is number two
Mexico_WC2018 16
He has a future playing for Netherlands
Zehir_fml 10
He seems to be well on his way in becoming a pro soccer player though!
incoherentrmblr 22
Is your son's name Scott Sterling?...
Eyeslick 33
^ Absolutely love the reference to Studio C!
mzcupcakez 20
I love that video haha
incoherentrmblr 22
Who are the a-holes that keep down voting the above? Watch the video! It's hilarious!...
AddictGamer 16
Dont worry guys.. Scott Sterling voted it down. :D
garage_fml 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Shame on you, as a parent, you should try to support or guide your kid no matter how much of an "idiot" they are lol.
fuckedPriceless 17
No
laden_swallow09 35
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Then your kid blowing all your money on drugs and prostitutes and get-rich-quick schemes deserves all the coddling you can possibly muster. You are what's wrong with society.
ChopSuey444 20
#73, actually yes. If your child is doing things wrong it IS appropriate parenting to make them feel loved and supported. If I were on drugs and started stealing from my mother she would be there to help me. But I'm not in drugs, because my mother guided me. Unfortunately OP's child will probably not receive similar emotional care. Emotionally abusive parents are what's wrong with society.
nickaa827 13
#80 very well said.
khaoticpanda 28
I agree #3. Just being what i assume is a child getting overexcited and being bad at something doesnt warrant a parent calling them an idiot on a public forum. Kids screw up, they havent learned from their mistakes the way we have.
Demon_of_Light 27
73, I think drug abuse and failing at a sport are two wildly different categories. OP's reaction was very extreme and probably damaging to the kid's self esteem. I'm not saying everybody should get a ribbon for trying, but damn, would it kill you to sit down with your child and explain to them the importance of sportsmanship? OP handled that in a very immature way for someone who is supposed to be in charge of raising another human being.
MrsDruidess 23
way to be #3!! I am glad to read that I was not the only one thinking that OP acted horribly. I am so sad that you have been thumbs-down. I am sad for the human race right now. #73, I am so very sad for your kids. very sad indeed.
slackerjoe 22
I sooooo want to get in on this but I've already been warned about discussing politics twice now... I do believe its the coddlers ruining society though.
GriffonTheCat 10
"Mom, I'm leaving to start my career as a crack dealer." "Ok honey I support you in whatever you do because I'm your mother. Have fun"
doodlecloud 27
Is it really so impossible to have a balance between the two sides? You know, ensure your kids knows you love them no matter what and will always try to help them but also let them know when they're being a dick and help them see the possible consequences of their actions?
the_6_p_rule 7
Do people seriously no know what "diving" means?? The kid was trying to throw the game in his teams favor. I too, would be ashamed.
tehdarkness 21
Right on. And sucking at soccer isn't the same as drugs and alcohol!
angeluv_2014 22
dang #73, that escalated way too quickly
gracehi 33
Sounds like your kid is in elementary school. If that's the case, calm the **** down. He's not an idiot. He's a child. If you don't change your attitude toward your son, he's going to grow up hating himself and that will lead him to unhealthy behavior that will destroy his life in one way or another.
ChristianH39 30
Sounds like you're making unfounded assumptions. He could easily be in middle or high school.
joseph19921992 10
Well, that went from 0-100 real quick.
crazyindynathan 13
Reading this it sounds a lot more like high school soccer playing trying to constantly flop... Nobody likes that guy...
garrett_8614 14
I don't know of any elementary schools with a soccer team.
justindrew14 29
Where I live its called storms little league.
rocker_chick105 31
Youth soccer?
_kyleG_ 34
If his little, it sounds pretty adorable; if he's older, he's a strategic asshole.
feven 32
Haha maybe you should suggest he plays another sport.
outfielder55 17
Just NOT baseball
hippodankamus 22
He sounds like he's gonna give Christiano Ronaldo a run for his money.
vcapelo 19
Cristiano*
davincidasecond 24
Don't know why #74 is getting down voted, that's how his name is spelled...
1dvs_bstd 41
Arjen Robben? Neymar? Ashley Young?
pjsr 33
Do you live in The Netherlands?
VeganDarkLight 31
Nope, in the US, Georgia pretty obviously.
Ilikepie82479 20
I thought you said "Do you believe in the Netherlands" at first haha
feven 32
I'm guessing he's making a crack at Arjen Robben.
Ilikepie82479 20
I thought you said "Do you believe in the Netherlands" at first haha
learningtodrive 12
YES thank you for commenting that, it made my day
jmcgee17 20
Well that's soccer for you. The game of hockey would teach him a thing or two.
Crossing 17
Or he will still dive to not get hit...
19990231 29
People dive in hockey too, as a player of both sports I know.
ruthi666 23
You've clearly never heard of PK Subban. He's the dive team captain of the Montreal Canadiens.
Drake_The_Dragon 23
you shouldn't be ashamed of your son
laden_swallow09 35
Do something shameful, expect to shamed. Boo-hoo.