Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML
Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML
Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML
Today, at my son's soccer game, I tried to give him a bottle of Gatorade, but the top was damp with condensation and I couldn't get a grip. I wiped it dry and tried again, successfully this time. No big deal, except my wife was watching and screamed, "IT SHOULDN'T TAKE THAT LONG!" Everyone stopped and stared. FML
Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML
Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML
Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML
Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML
Today, during a soccer game, some utter moron got the bright idea of trying to score a goal from his side of the field. I sarcastically made a big show of just barely stopping the ball, and nailed it off to the side. The ball hit a kid so hard in the head that he had to go to the hospital. FML
Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML
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Top comments
zach205 24
Well, your son has a future in the professionals
_kyleG_ 34
If his little, it sounds pretty adorable; if he's older, he's a strategic asshole.
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Comments (166)
Yaboi03727291 0
Ha
WhatsHerFace20 6
why the hell would you call your son an idiot?! and for somethin as petty as soccer? you're a pathetic excuse for a father.
Shade1982 21
You really missed the point didn't you. The way someone plays a sport is a reflection of someones character. Someone who is diving for penalties is also someone who most likely will try to cheat at other games. It is a testament of very unsportsmanlike conduct...
LizetteBerenice 22
:O
PSYqualiac 17
I don't understand. You're ashamed he won?
Kyyav13 1
Sorry dude, but you sound like a piece of shit.
cupcakekate 12
That's quite rude for a parent to do that. Why are you ashamed? His team is probably happy with what he did, and here you are putting him down by calling him your idiot son. What kind of world do we live in?
Perry85 42
If I was on that kid's team I wouldn't be happy for him winning the game for us, you know why? He did it by cheating. Winning by cheating is a hollow victory. I would rather beat them by our true talent and skill, not because some douche nugget on my team kept faking injury and finally got a penalty shot that happened to win the game.
toyhenoctus 16
Wow, that's pretty low. What the son did I mean. I hate it when people xcheat in sports; it's a game but it means more than that. That's why sports nowadays have no heart
Mindashy 13
You're just a horrible parent...
Justabastard 10
you must be neymar's father then xD
texasboys 11
it's called flopping and it's how you win games