Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML
Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML
Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML
Today, at my son's soccer game, I tried to give him a bottle of Gatorade, but the top was damp with condensation and I couldn't get a grip. I wiped it dry and tried again, successfully this time. No big deal, except my wife was watching and screamed, "IT SHOULDN'T TAKE THAT LONG!" Everyone stopped and stared. FML
Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML
Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML
Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML
Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML
Today, during a soccer game, some utter moron got the bright idea of trying to score a goal from his side of the field. I sarcastically made a big show of just barely stopping the ball, and nailed it off to the side. The ball hit a kid so hard in the head that he had to go to the hospital. FML
Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML
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Top comments
zach205 24
Well, your son has a future in the professionals
_kyleG_ 34
If his little, it sounds pretty adorable; if he's older, he's a strategic asshole.
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Comments (166)
ckeekymontag 12
Guess he likes robben or Neymar
sprints54 19
Sounds like he's going pro to me
iheartstupid 4
You sound like a terrible father. I hope he puts you in a terrible nursing home someday.
KyleLord_ 9
That's not being a cool parent. At least pretend that you're proud of him, and just be with him. It'll pay off when they're a teenager and/or an adult.
nightwalker707 8
great parenting. I hope he abandons you one day when you're old. YDI An idiot cant raise much more than another idiot..
ZannityZan 13
As a parent, you should be building up your kid's self-esteem, not sneaking out of soccer games because you're "ashamed". Especially since he did eventually contribute to winning the game! You really could show a little more pride. F your son's life, not yours.
connormartaus 17
You're a terrible parent
Mr23 9
I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your "idiot" son won the game for his team. (And they're your son, yada, yada, yada parental love)
MisUnFortunate 31
Way to be ashamed of your son, fuckwad
anonymouse5000 12
A parent shouldnt act or talk like that about their children.