Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, I was at the pool with two boys I babysit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML
Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML
Today, I went swimming at a public pool. When I dove in, my speedos decided they’d had enough of me and slipped right off. I spent a minute underwater debating my life choices before realizing they’d floated to the shallow end, right next to a group of giggling kids. FML
Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML
Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML
Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML
Today, my friend and I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool, I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out and ran onto the deck, slipping and falling flat on my back. Her dad saw the whole thing. FML
Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML
Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML
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Top comments
Norja 33
That is so gross. I feel sorry for everyone else who was in the pool FTLs
olpally 33
Caddyshack!! DOODY!!
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Comments (113)
olpally 33
Caddyshack!! DOODY!!
WhoWhat_fml 10
This is one of those FMLs that you think can't get worse than this. OP, your son should know that doing that in public is gross since he was able to get on the diving board.
tjv3 10
Way to watch your child there OP. my ex gf was at a public pool with her kids and she got distracted for no more than 3 minutes and her oldest daughter fell and drowned. Like I said this was a public pool with people around. Also this is a true event her daughter's name was Kylie Lampson you can google it and read what happened
timelessone 16
That's extremely insensitive to say. First off that's tragic and unfortunate for your ex and not that its her fault in any way, but to compare that situation with the OP's is ignorant at best. let's hope you don't ever have to go through that with your own kids. but then again maybe you should avoid having any at all.
olpally 33
53, oops. Never mind.
OhDearBetrayal 25
51- That girl was 11 years old and in a kiddie pool no deeper than 2.5 feet. It was not her moms fault. Who would think that they need to watch intensely over their 11 year old as they enter a kiddie pool?
bacincheeseburge 9
#51 You dated a women who already had three kids? Did you also have three kids and were going for a Brady Bunch thing?
Queensland 27
What does that have to do with anything 82. You don't know these people.
baref00tmama 15
That's totally not relevant; furthermore, it's really not your place to be spreading another family's tragedy around.
nix1993 41
#51: Do you really think it's appropriate to be putting stuff like that on the cml of all places?! It's not your tragedy to share and this certainly is not the place to share it. Insensitive asshole. Also, reading about it, people say the girl was ignored for over 7 minutes, so the mother was 'distracted' for more than 3 minutes.
nix1993 41
I dont even know what 'the cml' is. Apparently my phone doesn't like fml.
Norja 33
That is so gross. I feel sorry for everyone else who was in the pool FTLs
IStoleTheCookies 16
FLOATER!
ColtonStecher 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I see no problem with this
lilhellian 27
It's only a fudge bar!
jajajapun 5
I find it funny that some people think he's serious
ColtonStecher 12
Exactly
Fedezzer 20
I find it funnier that most people on FML are stupid enough to go around taking jokes seriously, and then blame it on the person who made the joke.
Shazra 9
First off, awesome picture. Second, why?
Nolimit2217 32
How old is he?! I feel so bad for you op. Sorry.
Prolux_fml 23
If he's old enough to make it up the diving board and drop a deuce, I think he's old enough to know that what he did isn't acceptable.
rosenkrieger223 24
I agree. He's also old enough to know that he deserves a good ol'-fashioned, public, bent over mom's knee ass-whoopin.
clemsi 20
I agree 43...though she might want to hose him off before she puts him over her knee.
Maxcrss 7
THANK YOU!!! Now, excessive beatings aren't okay, but a good ass whooping for something like that... Needed, to say in the least.
xoamy906 25
How old is he?
CallMeWindSock 24
If he's old enough to swim, he shouldn't be ******** in the pool.
Likian5 26
Time to bring out the 'ol belt, I say.
Major_General 10
Careful, the mods don't like mention of corporal punishment.
luhar 7
TIME FO SUM SPANKIN'
Chellybelly92 14
I was thinking the same thing...whip dat ass!!!
Wizardo 34
Chocolate Rain, Chocolate Rain.
luhar 7
"some stay dry whilst others feel the pain" oh my god this applies too well!
team_cookies 11
This made me laugh so much.
BlissfulLiss 18
It's even funnier that he somehow blames his mother for taking a shit in the pool. By the way, how high was that diving board?
Malova 8
Chocolate Rain The bell curve blames the baby's DNA
ImAFaker 29
Vanilla Sun
Axipiter 24
40, I just shuddered at the thought of the massive plop it would've made had it have been off a high diving board... Ugh...
Inkedldd 8
Humiliation for you and grossness for those in the pool. So sorry OP.
angelitared 27
That's a real shitty experience!!
phatdaddy62 23
And there it is!