Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML
Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML
Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML
Today, at my son's soccer game, I tried to give him a bottle of Gatorade, but the top was damp with condensation and I couldn't get a grip. I wiped it dry and tried again, successfully this time. No big deal, except my wife was watching and screamed, "IT SHOULDN'T TAKE THAT LONG!" Everyone stopped and stared. FML
Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML
Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML
Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML
Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML
Today, during a soccer game, some utter moron got the bright idea of trying to score a goal from his side of the field. I sarcastically made a big show of just barely stopping the ball, and nailed it off to the side. The ball hit a kid so hard in the head that he had to go to the hospital. FML
Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML
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Top comments
zach205 24
Well, your son has a future in the professionals
_kyleG_ 34
If his little, it sounds pretty adorable; if he's older, he's a strategic asshole.
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Comments (166)
pjsr 33
Sign him up for the swimming and diving team
Eloxia 7
Not everyone is meant to play sports. Maybe he could try a different activity or a different sport that's more individualized, such as track.
swanheart 35
Or he could learn about good sportsmanship and stop diving all over the place.
AnyaS 19
Oh, Bobby. That boy ain't right I tell ya whut.
AlexanderDavidd 13
You should be ashamed, but of yourself. Just because you're into soccer doesnt mean he has to be. Stop living vicariously through your son.
laden_swallow09 35
How the hell did you come to that conclusion?
1dvos_grl3 21
Yeah, #17 there's nothing about what you said that is relevant to the post..
Demon_of_Light 27
I can sorta see where 17's coming from. If OP's son is diving all over the place for no reason, it sounds like the game doesn't mean that much to him, whereas to OP it clearly does. And if OP is willing to call the son an idiot over it and have such an extreme reaction to a game, it kinda makes it seem like soccer is more important to the OP than the son.
Ilikepie82479 20
Hey at least he ended up being the star!
tukies 28
My brother did that when he was little. Every time someone even looked at him wrong he feel acting like he got hurt. Now he has full scholarships. Don't worry too much.
Hash13 13
Look at the bright side, he can make a place for himself in the ever competitive world!
laden_swallow09 35
As a professional victim? Not very competitive, methinks.
Alicestraza 33
Professional victim describes many soccer players.
150493x 29
Practice makes perfect. It might help him build more confidence during games. If he doesn't seem to enjoy it more then maybe try something different. Everyone's got to start somewhere!
themadpeterson 10
Call him out on it. If he owns up to it, explain why it's a bad thing to do. If he lies, make him do drills to improve his balance that will annoy the shit out of him.
blackonblight 33
Your son won the game and you're ashamed to be seen with him? He should be ashamed to have such an asshole parent.
bl865ood 17
I would had left too