Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML
Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML
Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML
Today, at my son's soccer game, I tried to give him a bottle of Gatorade, but the top was damp with condensation and I couldn't get a grip. I wiped it dry and tried again, successfully this time. No big deal, except my wife was watching and screamed, "IT SHOULDN'T TAKE THAT LONG!" Everyone stopped and stared. FML
Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML
Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML
Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML
Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML
Today, during a soccer game, some utter moron got the bright idea of trying to score a goal from his side of the field. I sarcastically made a big show of just barely stopping the ball, and nailed it off to the side. The ball hit a kid so hard in the head that he had to go to the hospital. FML
Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML
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Top comments
zach205 24
Well, your son has a future in the professionals
_kyleG_ 34
If his little, it sounds pretty adorable; if he's older, he's a strategic asshole.
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Comments (166)
janfleury 19
Way to be a supportive parent. Now your child knows without a doubt that your pride and love in him is conditional on him being a great player. Did you ever think that he knew he was bad at soccer but wanted to try and improve or maybe just try something new. Way to kill that attitude. No your to self centered to think of your child and his feeling. I understand, your pride and not feeling embarrassed is way more important than he could ever be. You are parent of the year OP.
Bragi 12
Perhaps the coach told him to, OP. Or not. Either way your behavior is kind of sickening. I'd say YDI, but you're not the victim in this story. Man up.
CarouselHeart 11
I don't get it, he won, didn't he? YDI.
stacid16 4
Maybe you should be a better parent.
crazymadimadz 12
You shouldn't be ashamed of your own son and it's terrible to call him an idiot, I'm sorry but it seems to me that the soccer game was more important than your son participating, could you imagine how horrible he'd feel if he saw you leave? and what it can do to his self esteem? Why don't you tell him where he is going wrong or find something else he enjoys? To be honest it sounds like he eiether doesn't like the game/ or is afraid that he could get hurt/ doesn't understand what he is doing.
gabiwhite 9
Amen
crazymadimadz 12
yes scarring him, could you imagine what he'd be like now? He'll constantly feel the need for approval and probably feels like a failure to his own father, hus self esteem is probably very very low right now
auwhit 4
That's your kid though, kind of rude and immature as a parent to be doing that
RogueWarrior869 23
Op, the boy could have been nervous or under pressure. Next time spend some time practicing with the kid, if you can, or at least talk to him about how he played and find out what was up with that.
PoLLynomchik 11
I think it's mean to say such sh.. about your kid, don't be surprised when you are old and he is ashamed to be there for you
gabiwhite 9
How dare u leave and not be supporting to your own son