Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML
Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML
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Top comments
thebigslim 13
Was it at least a flavored condom?
sportmaster525 0
i don't think thats what he meant when he said "now open up and swallow"...
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Comments (134)
ohnoyouDINT 0
Am I the only one who got a boner reading this? Didn't think so.
bigbossbadass 0
He prob ****** u up the ass with his big hardass **** while doin that too lol
monoxide 0
sounds a lil fake but i give the benifit of the doubt. how the hell do you break ribs doing the heimlich?
Tubasaurus 0
The Heimlich maneuver is best as a last resort for this very reason. Only to be used if the situation is dire. You have to use a lot of force because the victim's reflex reaction is to tighten their abs after the first thrust.
Brooklynxman 0
Your boyfriend pulled a prank on you. He saw what you were going to do and let you. I wouldnt be suprised if he managed to catch it on camera.
kirby1026 0
someone else put this up b4...
lady307 0
LMAO!!!! @ #1
FYOURLIFE13 0
SHUT SHUT SHUT SHUT UP
Ahay 3
there was already an FML with this story... way to be lame.
kbs123456789 0
ydi for sucking at life
akalisser 0
How'd you manage to **** that one up?