Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML
Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML
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Top comments
thebigslim 13
Was it at least a flavored condom?
sportmaster525 0
i don't think thats what he meant when he said "now open up and swallow"...
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Comments (134)
pwnrzero 0
fake, sounds made up. break 3 ribs? seriously
Weil 0
Ever heard of breathing through your nose?
wowfmlife 0
You're not allowed to call it the Heimlich anymore, its now abdominal thrusts. And if you guys were naked, that could have been hot
spillproof 0
What a great story for the kids!
EMT105 0
YDI... Both u and ur boyfriend must be absolute morons! You should never break someone's ribs by doing the heimlich unless ur a complete idiot, which obviously ur boyfriend is! U only crack/break their ribs by doing CPR. Look it up! I hope the people who think ur supposed to break ribs aren't ever around me if I start choking! Hahaha!!!
IHaveVertigo 0
Well, at least you are using protection, unlike many of the idiots who submit FMLs.
Kervik 0
So . . . Putting plastic protection items in your mouth is sexy . . . ? I feel slightly lost. =/
dancin303 0
well are you a newb
LanceCharisma 0
To everyone saying that he did the Heimlich maneuver right/wrong this is exactly why the Heimlich maneuver is NOT used anymore. Because it's very easy to break ribs and damage internal organs if tried by an amateur. If a person is not coughing effectively the proper first aid (after calling your local emergency services) is to alternate between five back blows with the heel of the hand and five chest thrusts similar to CPR compressions. He's not a moron for doing the Heimlich maneuver wrong, he's a moron for trusting movies and television to administer correct first aid. That said it's still a horrible situation for the OP. FYL indeed.
arctic1 0
maybe u shouldn't do that anymore... only girls that know how to suck dick should do that. n it's actually a sexy thing to do. if u know how...