Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML
Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML
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Top comments
thebigslim 13
Was it at least a flavored condom?
sportmaster525 0
i don't think thats what he meant when he said "now open up and swallow"...
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Comments (134)
gigi2009 0
sexytime!
corbygray528 0
YDI for having a boyfriend who doesn't know how to properly perform the Heimlich.
wtf_fml 0
breaking ribs is a sign that you do the heimlich maneuver well
briancrawmer 1
no, because you do the heimlich under the belly button. you don't even touch the ribs.
Lolitia 4
Dude, how did you manage to INHALE it? It's one of the easiest moves ever... YTD.
efmivida 0
at least you tried. and i respect that. good story though
aback 5
And then he demonstrated the right way to do it, on a cucumber.
kc2_fml 0
you should have been like "ooh thank you docter.... I'll do annnnnyything to repay you" then he'd be like " you got health insurance?" you'd say "no" then he'd say "GTFO.... just GTFO
dabomblyktiktikk 0
lol with 3 broken ribs that whole scenario would go down? thatd be ******* epic if it did tho.
BBCasper 0
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! YDI!
ithedarkknight 0
I really don't have a comment for this one. Besides the comment I'm leaving saying i don't have a comment.
atomicbaboon 0
oh, the irony.
moozooh 0
This is so messed up.
lloyd1992 0
I did that...but the condom was long..so he just yanked it out...so then u must had one of them chicken condoms..fhl for having a chicken dick..haha classic..where'd u get it..spencers?