Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML
Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML
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Top comments
thebigslim 13
Was it at least a flavored condom?
sportmaster525 0
i don't think thats what he meant when he said "now open up and swallow"...
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Comments (134)
Jestre 0
You dumb shit.
wonderless 0
What the ****.
penismonkey 0
Since the Heimlich requires thrusts on the diaphragm and not the ribs I'd say your boyfriend is a complete moron who watches too much TV.
plexico 4
If you are thrusting on the diaphragm, you wouldn't need a condom! ;)
Tubasaurus 0
zing?
Nightfallz 0
fyl and ydi. your boyfriend is obviously retarded for not knowing how to properly execute the heimlich. your not supposed to break ribs when you do it.
LFCESP9 0
.thats ****** hilarious
lost_soul_fml 0
do you not know how to breathe through your nose?
Nathan727_fml 0
I've seen this FML before...
MagicJosh 0
Thank god it wasn't a magnum, you'd be dead. Its the one good thing about having a tiny-dicked bf.
wbrycem 0
Who the **** puts a condom in their mouth trying to be sexy? Why would you want your mouth to taste like latex for the rest of the night?
akscott 0
Classic! So your bf had a great day yesterday.. He will be telling this story for the rest of his life.. It's the little things in life.