Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML
Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
thebigslim 13
Was it at least a flavored condom?
sportmaster525 0
i don't think thats what he meant when he said "now open up and swallow"...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (134)
shnibz101 0
Ive read 1 like this b4
tipsy337 0
Fail
djb23 0
hahahaha woww
flinkpamingo 0
Who does that?
alphaxzero 0
fail for having a dumb boyfriend who doesnt know how to do the heimlich
americayay 0
eh. that's not completely uncommon, but 3 is a lot. at least he tried to help her. worse FML: "Today my girlfriend tried to put on a condom with her mouth and choked to death right in front of me."
a1mostevi1 0
welll......."technically" he wouldent need the condom anymore amirite?
dabomblyktiktikk 0
he does noe how to heimlich. you usually end up at least cracking one rib. plus he saved her life. who gives a shit if she broke three ribs?
jensenisbatman 12
He did the heimlich correctly
Chr0nicdreamz 0
epic fail. who the **** puts a condom in their mouth to try to be sexy?? whether you are putting it on with your mouth or maybe you were trying to chew on it like gum either way you are dumb
Cdldriver 0
Sexy? dumb girl.
youaresofucked 0
WHAT'S THE POINT OF THESE JACKASS FMLs IF THEY CLEARLY AREN'T TRUE?
live_my_life245 0
have fun explaining to your parents and his parents why your ribs are broken....
cmac86 24
wow. how do you NOT deserve it? nothing turns guys on more than putting protection in your mouth. you deserve it you dumb b.