Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me, and that sex with me is a chore. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex with me. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he likes me is because I let him watch porn without throwing a fuss. FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years accidentally admitted to me that he settled for me because he doesn't think he can do any better. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML
Today, my "boyfriend" told me that he loves money more than me and would date it if he could. FML
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Top comments
challan 19
Time for him to go back to wanking then, isn't it?
woainishamu 21
Bite his dick.
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Comments (118)
challan 19
Time for him to go back to wanking then, isn't it?
01Ben21 10
Whoa now!
FightMyLiger 19
What makes you think he stopped? Just because she's slightly better doesn't mean there's not time for both. Hard to beat a man at his own game. Hehe.. Hard to beat.
maosquare 18
Beat to hard
zandalee 20
Beat to hard and release...
depocadoll 15
Ooh, ouch. Did you call him on it? I'd love to hear what the jerk had to say in response to you calling him out!.
feelingold 18
He's Just Not That Into You. This surely can't be your first clue.
londoner86 13
Right 106?! Why do so many women date men who obviously don't really care about them? I doubt OP's boyfriend has been loving and caring to her face...
7yzzFML 17
Hahahahha, im sorry OP, but the way he said it just hilarious xD
Rue22 16
Wow. FYL, OP
ThePsyche 9
I think that was already stated at the end of the post. Nice try though *pats on back*.
woainishamu 21
Bite his dick.
iAlissa 34
Time for a cockmeat sandwich.
Blackcatluck 19
That reminds me of the movie teeth O.O.
EVnIAS 13
but #57 they ment with the other lips! Unless #3 and #36 were next door neighbors to that girl. in which cases they should be **** fighting heros!
gotaplanstan 28
Break his hand then break up with him imo.
Ambient25 25
For some reason that really weird movie "Teeth" comes to mind....
EVnIAS 13
****** dentata any one?
StiffPvtParts 43
Dump him, you deserve better, OP!
DarthVader77 9
How exactly do you lnow that she does? He is a dick, granted. Ever thought that OP can actually deserve it?
LuckBeNimble 19
48: unless you believe that nobody deserves to be treated with such little respect...
hoolihoop 2
48, leave
quontag 15
Some people just don't deserve good boyfriends. And some people prefer cupcakes. I for one do not care for them.
SunAndMoon427 12
48, Unless OP is a criminal or something, they sure as heck deserve better than this guy. He's a complete ass and for you to think anyone deserves that is sad
MR_RODSQUAD 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
At least you're better than his hand right?
SWhimsynBubbaS 14
That's the spirit! Way to be optimistic!
RedPillSucks 33
I think you should give him more opportunity to test that hypothesis.
ComoEsJuan 24
So, you overheard your ex-boyfriend, right? Maybe Palmala Handerson is the right woman for him.
ComoEsJuan 24
Or, the left woman...
TrueTriage 16
Hando Calrissian? Or Morehand Freeman?
Xatraris 38
Thumbelina and her four sisters. Have a good thing going there!
hama806 19
What a stand up guy. Lose him OP, you'll be way better off.
MooseKnuckle5150 13
Time to leave him to his hands. Maybe break them first....