Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me, and that sex with me is a chore. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex with me. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he likes me is because I let him watch porn without throwing a fuss. FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years accidentally admitted to me that he settled for me because he doesn't think he can do any better. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML
Today, my "boyfriend" told me that he loves money more than me and would date it if he could. FML
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Top comments
challan 19
Time for him to go back to wanking then, isn't it?
woainishamu 21
Bite his dick.
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Comments (118)
ardencred 7
Dump him while your fingering yourself and tell him that it feels a lot better than his sorry ass dick
ComoEsJuan 24
Is your horny a *****?
Steve95401 49
Buy an inflatable doll and introduce the douchebag to his new girlfriend.
Ambient25 25
lol well at least there's no Grumpycat sex references this time :P
perdix 31
Maybe if you'd suck a lot more, you can open up some distance between you and Palmela Handerson.
ComoEsJuan 24
Dammit! Sorry, Freshpie, I tried to catch that mistake before you fixed it! I gotta be quicker next time...
stacey_92 12
let him love his hand some more and dump his ass
scottyspot 11
Time to make him go back to Rosie O almee and her little sisters again!
Dzirino 2
Tell him you are dating him just because he sucks a bit less than you fingering yourself.
smacky187 9
Jill never fails