Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me, and that sex with me is a chore. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex with me. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he likes me is because I let him watch porn without throwing a fuss. FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years accidentally admitted to me that he settled for me because he doesn't think he can do any better. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML
Today, my "boyfriend" told me that he loves money more than me and would date it if he could. FML
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Top comments
challan 19
Time for him to go back to wanking then, isn't it?
woainishamu 21
Bite his dick.
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Comments (118)
bigredmonkeybutt 30
Considering his hand has been his best friend for however long, that's not the worst thing he could have said.
ozpunker 20
Dump him... but break his hands first.
gracehi 33
Adding insult to injury in more ways than one. I like the way you think!
MooseKnuckle5150 13
Thanks for looking out for me #66.
Catahoulaqueen_fml 17
89, do you know the meaning of the word 'never'? Or does' NEVERR' mean something like 'occasionally' in LaLa land where you're from?
ozpunker 20
You don't know for sure, but I can honestly say that I posted that before I read any other comments. Plus, when I did post, there was only about 5 comments.
worldclassrager 41
That's horrible and sounds heart breaking to you...this guy should never be with anyone...
gracehi 33
Should have replied, "Oh yeah? Well you're no where near as good as my *****, or even my index finger."
sobe2 6
Or, "I'm only dating you because I keep running out of batteries...and my fingers get tired."
EVnIAS 13
no need to let them get tired switch it around a bit she has 2 middle fingers and 2 index she just need to maintain a good rotation between them!
Ctrl_H 18
Except that its probably everyman's dream to be good enough in bed to be used for sex only.
limitedition 25
Time for your boot to meet his arse & kick him out of your life. What an asshat!
carebear808 12
Break up with him!
Ambient25 25
They should call you "hand"some :P
jeepers_1 21
I would later tell him that there's no point in having him around because your fingers do a much better job than him
shaww 28
He has Sex with you and someone else- threesome He has Sex with you- twosome I guess he's HANDsome.. ha, ha, ha,...
rhapsodys 12
#24 No. Just stop.
davincidasecond 24
I had to up vote this. It's so corny, but I love it.
Ambient25 25
she needs to kick him in the balls and let him add "rubbing" to his list