Today, I woke up to find my freshly dry-cleaned $200 suit not on my bed. Instead I found my drunk ex-girlfriend. Not only did she break into my house, she decided that she wanted to sleep in my bed and threw my suit into the trash. I have a job interview today and the garbage men already came. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of unemployment. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I reached back and grabbed a towel behind me to wipe my face. Turns out it wasn't a towel, it was my newly dry-cleaned suit jacket that my wife had put there for me. FML
Today, I got burgled. Not only did he steal my TV and game consoles, but he took a huge diarrhea dump in my underwear drawer and wiped his ass with my tailored suit. The dry cleaner won't accept it because it's a biohazard. FML
Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML
Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML
Today, I woke up to find that I'd left my clothes in my roommate's bedroom. After returning from a night of heavy drinking, I apparently got up to use the bathroom and used her room as a toilet. I don't remember this, but pee stains don't lie. FML
Today, I got home and found all my things thrown out into the yard, including the stuff from my mancave, which I spent thousands of dollars on. Apparently, my girlfriend stopped for a visit while my wife was home. I’d stupidly given her a key. Turns out my wife called out sick today. FML
Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML
Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML
Today, I Febrezed my one remaining suit because I haven’t had a chance to go to the dry cleaners yet. I Febrezed it over the bed, so some got on the sheets. My girlfriend then got home and hit me in the head with a vase, because she thought the Febreze on the sheets was another woman’s perfume. FML
Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend, with whom I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlocked the door to see that the place was a mess. She'd thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Maddoctor 10
I smell a restraining order...
sparkey0127 0
i'd second that sniff
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (87)
Maddoctor 10
I smell a restraining order...
shiritt 0
nothing better than the smell of restraining orders in the morning!
idkweird 0
Agreed. Call the cops and get a restraining order.
unixorn 1
Definitely call the cops. Even if you don't want a restraining order now, when/if you do, you're going to need to show a history of her being a problem.
Hanban 0
Can't he just punch the girlfriend and give her Botox or whatever to clean the mess up? I know, you can't. :)
shucks101 11
CALL THE COPS
sparkey0127 0
i'd second that sniff
ily1210 10
oooh, god dam FYL
mouser103 0
Question: why would you sleep with your freshly pressed $200 suit on your bed? Seems a bit counterproductive, but maybe that's just me...
Nic_hole 0
crazy bitch ha wow agreed with getting a restraining order on her, that's bull shit
happyhak 5
Did somebody say lawsuit?
stillxsearching 3
no ... no, they didn't. because normal people aren't as lawsuit-happy as idiots on this website.
expectcriticism 13
it's his ex who broke into his house.. that needs a restraining order. idiot.
crzyry 6
Do you only have one suit? That may have been your best or favorite one but I'm sure you have to have at least one more.
your_face 15
Why would you think that? Suits are expensive, and OP may not have a job yet, considering he was going in for an interview. I don't expect most people to have a lot of suits, just one that they wear on important occasions. I could be wrong.
crzyry 6
I'm not by any means rich but I own 3 suits, several black slacks and dress shirts. Maybe he doesn't have another suit but I find it hard to believe that he doesn't have anything somewhat dressy.
The_Great_Zucchi 15
Suits may be expensive, a $200 suit is not. If you buy one of those you'll be one of those people who complain about how uncomfortable suits are AND you'll still look like a bus driver. Even if you don't wear suits much, spending a bit more money will pay off, especially in situations like job interviews.
rite2salas 0
ydi for befriending a psycho
Carlson_Jin 0
**** you
KelMarCos 3
Im confused... so where did you sleep if the suit was lying on your bed? Why not just hang it in the closet or over the door and sleep in your own bed. I think it's fake, besides why would your ex-girlfriend take the suit all the way out to the curb to throw it out? Especially if she were drunk...
markssh 0
Some people have beds bigger than a single/full. If he has a queen or king bed, it could have been laying next to him, off the edge of the bed, which would be why she moved it to sleep. Laying it on his bed is "laying it out" to be worn the next day. I used to do that, other people do it, so it isn't inconceivable that OP did it for this very reason.
HJB 0
If that were the case, anyone who can sleep through someone (Especially drunk) breaking into their house, throwing something in the trash (and potentially taking it all the way out to the curb if there's not a building trash shoot or something) and then returning to sleep on the bed probably isn't going to easily wake up for an interview so you wouldn't have gotten the job anyway
allen20 0
Dumbass bitch! throw her in the garbage ! i bet ur tuxedo cost more than her!
stillxsearching 3
a tux is not even remotely the same as a suit. do you really not know the difference? never comment on anything ever again. ever.