Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky when we decide to try the old 69. One thing leads to another when her clit ring went deep into my nose, and leaving me feeling like the wrong kind of bull. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML
Today, after much begging, I let my girlfriend try out my VR headset, despite knowing that she's quite clumsy. Five minutes later, she fell over and broke it. Later, I heard her laughing on the phone about breaking her boyfriend's stupid video game toy. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend for a video. I told her to pose for a photo where I got down on one knee and pretended to propose. She was so upset, she kicked me right in the face and dumped me. FML
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Top comments
pharm121 21
Well she said she wanted to be a school girl...
vampy719 17
Lmfao oh come on sometimes sex is funny and i would deff die of laughter if that happened to me im sorry but that word is just not sexy
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Comments (94)
pharm121 21
Well she said she wanted to be a school girl...
cole_tyler42 21
Schoolgirl, not a little girl.
BrotherPhil 35
Hopefully.
nite66 21
I guess she was more into the rp than you
random_cashmere 25
Well, either way you would be pissed.
vampy719 17
Lmfao oh come on sometimes sex is funny and i would deff die of laughter if that happened to me im sorry but that word is just not sexy
tot5t 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
While I agree that "vajayjay" is a cringeworthy word, I wouldn't have laughed. No one wants to be laughed at in bed, you should have known that OP.
annarcheer 19
Common sometimes you can't help laughing at something as dumb as that. I mean who says "vajayjay" in bed. I'm sure they look back and laugh at it but I'm sure a lot of people would have laughed or have been turned off by that.
sophiehelen 32
In bed? Who says vajayjay at all?!
annarcheer 19
Its been stated. A 14 year old who got fingered in a movie theater for the first time. Its sad but true.
brand125 17
5- its not like people can help if they laugh at something rediculus... i dont blame op
dunicha 20
If you can't laugh with the person you're with, you shouldn't be with them. Sex can be ridiculous. There will be strange and weird and awkward sounds, there might be a silly interruption like the cat or a kid… you might knock heads or trip getting undressed. Sex is funny, foreplay is funny and sometimes you need to just laugh. It will keep things from getting awkward! If you take sex too seriously you aren’t truly enjoying it!
angeluv_2014 22
as an aspiring actress, I feel that the use of the word "vajayjay" fits the portrayal of a school girl very well and thus condones OP's gf's use of it
LyricaSilvan 30
"I'm gonna be an actress so clearly my opinion means something." I hope you realize how ridiculous you sound. Also, there's a fine line between acting and roleplaying in a sexual situation. There are certain realistic things you just don't say or do unless you plan on killing the mood. Imagine if she had wanted to roleplay with him as a pirate; would that make it okay for him to steal her stuff and sail away? No. No it would not.
SixthSinEnvy 39
#96 If he managed to commandeer a vessel, a crew, steal all my stuff, and sail into the sunset to make the foreplay real, he gets the "vajayjay" based off effort alone.
krazayman 18
personally i think a woman using the word "pussy" is more erotic.
MrConcise 35
Let's be honest, vajayjay is something a sexually inexperienced 14-year-old girl uses to tell her friends about the first time she gets fingered at the movies. It has no place outside of awkward teenybopper conflict.
littleteapot 21
But she was roleplaying as a school girl. The word choice makes perfect sense.
angeluv_2014 22
exactly ☝
angeluv_2014 22
some people don't like the word pussy either
BrotherPhil 35
Works for me. It's furry, and nice to stroke.
LyricaSilvan 30
Can you go away? We get it, you think it makes sense. You don't need to reply to everyone else's comments saying so.
Antivist 13
Wooaahh haha cx
Jojohn0 23
a new meaning to the words "mocking jay"
kmaheynoway 25
Just imagine: Katniss, the vajayjay on fire.
Rawrshi 25
Fire crotch?
Shmatterhorn 38
Fire in the hole?
ImTheAlpha 30
Fire in the hoe*
Vlen_fml 20
I've honestly only ever heard it referred to by that in poorly written Black Comedies.
Zebediabolical 45
Why you gotta bring race into this? Just because you don't like urban comedy doesn't mean it's poorly written. You just ain't hep with the cats anymore! Yes. This is a joke.
adrian1910 15
There's many fish in the sea.
Exodiafinder687 58
Yeah, but who wants to **** a fish? Besides Troy McClure that is.
Enslaved 38
I thought guys like snappers?
JayVicious 20
clams and furburgers
xwingtwo 15
When he mentioned fish, I thought that was going in a totally different direction.