Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky when we decide to try the old 69. One thing leads to another when her clit ring went deep into my nose, and leaving me feeling like the wrong kind of bull. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML
Today, after much begging, I let my girlfriend try out my VR headset, despite knowing that she's quite clumsy. Five minutes later, she fell over and broke it. Later, I heard her laughing on the phone about breaking her boyfriend's stupid video game toy. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend for a video. I told her to pose for a photo where I got down on one knee and pretended to propose. She was so upset, she kicked me right in the face and dumped me. FML
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Top comments
pharm121 21
Well she said she wanted to be a school girl...
vampy719 17
Lmfao oh come on sometimes sex is funny and i would deff die of laughter if that happened to me im sorry but that word is just not sexy
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Comments (94)
CheeseTacos 9
You don't call your thangalang a weewee.
Retaheki 27
Or a thangalang, for that matter.
benjamn 24
Thangalang a dingdongalong
SadisticKittyCat 9
That's your fault, man. it's hard not to laugh at, but you shouldn't have laughed xD
brand125 17
excuse me? so if someone says something really dumb and funny, its the other persons fault for laughing? do you understand how laughing works? it sometimes cant be controlled..
dmoney247ivy 2
dude he cringed lol she would've been mad either way haha
joelp232 17
no good deed goes unpunished.
Exodiafinder687 58
Tell her you'll lick her vajayjay if she sucks your penaynay.
mrmcleod 29
He should have asked her to suck his peepee.
brittaaany_93 38
Lost my shit at the word "penaynay".
emilyyy_maryyy 14
I'm sorry but vajayjay is just so not erotic... I don't blame you for laughing
just_dorky_me 22
Your eyes are so pretty!
MyDadLeftMeInKFC 21
Sounds sexy. Maybe next time she wants to role play you use a ridiculous word like that and see if she understands why you laughed? Haha, sounds like a tricky situation.
cari_cat 19
In reference to another FML, why don't you tell her you'll "dick her down good" ?
oobergoober89 16
She seemed committed to her role
150493x 29
Maybe explain why you laughed & then once the air has been cleared make suggestions on what she could say instead. She'll feel more confident & you won't cringe.
mattrd_fml 31
could have been worse. she could have said "lick my vaginnygin."
laden_swallow09 35
"Not by the hairs on my vaginny-gin-gin?"
Miss_Whipped 43
To virginity and beyond!
mandi_ann_b 11
lost my shit????
BananaSantos 15
That's sexy ;)