Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky when we decide to try the old 69. One thing leads to another when her clit ring went deep into my nose, and leaving me feeling like the wrong kind of bull. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML
Today, after much begging, I let my girlfriend try out my VR headset, despite knowing that she's quite clumsy. Five minutes later, she fell over and broke it. Later, I heard her laughing on the phone about breaking her boyfriend's stupid video game toy. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend for a video. I told her to pose for a photo where I got down on one knee and pretended to propose. She was so upset, she kicked me right in the face and dumped me. FML
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Top comments
pharm121 21
Well she said she wanted to be a school girl...
vampy719 17
Lmfao oh come on sometimes sex is funny and i would deff die of laughter if that happened to me im sorry but that word is just not sexy
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Comments (94)
Stevend3095 9
Has anyone watched south park on here?
WipeHour 11
I wasn't aware that this app supported video.
Stevend3095 9
You know what I meant. Theres an episode where the school does an anti bullying video and cartman sings about his "vajayjay" in it.
JayVicious 20
well she really got into her role. gotta say that would have made me feel like a chester molester if i heard that comming outta my gf's mouth while she was dressed as a school girl. not to mention that word is more commical to me then erotic.
FueledByFate 24
Hey man. If she's into it... Whatever makes her happy. It was Valentine's Day after all!
batbarbie 7
I suppose you didn't get to grade her, huh?
TheFuckGiver1230 22
Vajayjay is a naysay.
cappellaaa 23
Whoops looks like you're not getting laid for awhile haha. Never laugh at your girl while she's vulnerable like that. You should wait till after and bring it up so she doesn't use that word again.
laden_swallow09 35
You hear a genuinely funny joke or hear a funny noise, or see something funny happen. Tell me you can voluntarily turn off your funny bone. You snort and grimace trying to hold it back, but your physical protests make it even worse and you laugh even louder than you would have, had you just let it out in the beginning. Get real, lady.
freyameredith 9
She was getting in character.... I guess?
Fidel_ASStro 9
Feel you on that one #ForeverBlueBalled :(
bioss89 16
OP, you are lucky that she did not use "mini moo". (*another word in the UK for the Vajayjay word )
WipeHour 11
What about "minge"?
greencurtains74 11
lol it was probably a slip of the tongue. it's tough to find the right word in that situation. "Pussy" is really erotic and might be too much for her. and "******" is very technical and not sexy. She probably said it and regretted it, yet got laughed at. Good luck restoring her comfort with you.