Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky when we decide to try the old 69. One thing leads to another when her clit ring went deep into my nose, and leaving me feeling like the wrong kind of bull. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML
Today, after much begging, I let my girlfriend try out my VR headset, despite knowing that she's quite clumsy. Five minutes later, she fell over and broke it. Later, I heard her laughing on the phone about breaking her boyfriend's stupid video game toy. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend for a video. I told her to pose for a photo where I got down on one knee and pretended to propose. She was so upset, she kicked me right in the face and dumped me. FML
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Top comments
pharm121 21
Well she said she wanted to be a school girl...
vampy719 17
Lmfao oh come on sometimes sex is funny and i would deff die of laughter if that happened to me im sorry but that word is just not sexy
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Comments (94)
Omniprism 15
You need to explain to her that talking dirty is just that and talking like Oprah is not sexy for a man. And if she can't use other words then don't talk sexy at all. Good luck.
idk_ineverdo 3
Well, you're not blue-balled because that doesn't exist (it's scientifically proven.)
gamernation89 10
Wow that is extremely funny but seriously it probably hurt her self esteem when you laughed and I know that was unexpected but she was just trying to get into the rp and maybe you should apologize to her if you haven't yet and it's not easy for anyone to open up to trying something new
Axel5238 29
Yeah not sexy to hear that, but ya gotta learn to hold back your initial reaction sometimes. If you try to say you couldn't help it that only works sometimes. You got to hold that reaction in, especially when it comes to the bedroom. Also, the fact you " broke down laughing" probably hurt her way more and unlikely she'll try that stuff again in the future if you can't hold it in. YDI
cookiethumper 23
There needs to be a limit on the nicknames for a ******... I have heard it be called a noonee, a foof, a fairy, a poonaney. It's more cringeworthy that people can't say pussy or ******.
Tweetyibird 20
"I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in" is the best sentence I have ever read.
AcieMcG 21
Schoolgirl or Schoolchild '_'
Fixme 5
I'm sorry. You were roleplaying. She stayed in character, you cocked up. Enjoy your well deserved blue balls!
Ilikepie82479 20
Hi blue-balled, I'm dad
rmllavaneras 19
Your blue-balls are your own fault. Had you not laughed, it'd be totally on her.
Zebediabolical 45
Had you not laughed, it'd be totally in her. <<-- FIX'D!