Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML
Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML
Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML
Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
XtraEzeee 8
Of course he's serious. Bacon is no laughing matter.
mike14991499 9
You can't ruin sex with bacon, right?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (268)
Emily9352 13
Seriously? YDI for not appreciating this genius idea. Bacon makes everything better.
br0ccoli 15
What next? Ketchup and mayo lube? French fry vibrators? Polish Kielbasa ******? If I see those items in your cart...I'll know. -_-
dude1122332 9
You'll definitely be seeing me.(;
pxndiieinsanity 6
Redditor! Does he have an insane love of cats too? :p
godhelpusall111 12
Bacon strips and bacon strips and girlfriend strips and bacon strips.
bjornhilda 1
Drip some hot bacon grease on him!
Laxinitup 18
All I know is you need to make sure your boyfriend doesn't turn out like George Costanza. He too once went down the path of incorporating food with sex. Doing so he finally couldn't distinguish between the two and would get turned on when eating... Just some advice.
Kingbreezy04 10
Put that shit inside of your pussy and the rest us history.......
pwnman 33
He's right I tell you! Instead of having candles use bacon
HickChick23 0
is your boyfriend obese? lol
DarkDaedalus009 8
Bacon makes everything better :)