Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML
Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, I heard my boyfriend making the same noises while cleaning out his ears as the ones he makes whenever we have sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend went to the aquarium. We were noticing the fishy smell, and I had made a comment about it. Then my boyfriend slowly, and seductively whispers into my ear, "It sort of reminds me of how you smell." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML
Today, my boyfriend found out it makes a funny fart sound when he blows hard into my mouth in the middle of making out. I can't get him to stop doing it every time we kiss. FML
Today, while at Wendy's with my boyfriend, I realized that he made more pleasure sounds when eating his Baconator than he did while sleeping with me. FML
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML
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Top comments
Shayton 12
Bacon=sex in your mouth
tony1891 22
gotta love Bacon.
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Comments (174)
tony1891 22
gotta love Bacon.
SkoomaKi 28
Especially when it's whispered into your ear.
TheZee 12
14 - And most definitely when it's during sex.
BulldogHoops 14
sounds like a man living the American Dream: Bacon and Broads.
radwanov 14
#31 they r from the UK :P
P374RD3D 9
#32 we know
Trisha_aus 15
As Eric foreman would say, "Ba-Con"
kyarush 10
mmmm bacon
GoWithTheFro 10
Especially if you're epicmealtime
tyga2100 0
That sucks be scared for life lol ha ha ha?
BulldogHoops 14
Sorry about my american dream comment, I'm simply an ignoramus that pays no attention to detail.
The_CL0GGER 0
i dont blame him, bacon is pretty sexy
AssassinsCRB 0
He probably orgasmed twice of fast while thinking about bacon.
Shayton 12
Bacon=sex in your mouth
LAMKWHIM 11
Maybe they both should try eating bacon while having sex. That's gotta change the OPs mind about bacon.
Ch0sen 13
This just reminds me of the obnoxious Jack in the Box commercial that incessantly interrupts my South Park episodes.
Truth_Nazi 0
Hey, can NEVER go wrong with bacon.
skoob1 12
Hey, bacon grease makes great lube...
SystemofaBlink41 27
My mouth has orgasms everytime I eat bacon!
Kenzington1996 1
That is so disgusting.
baddawg365 0
20- You are a a genius.... *whispers* I think I love you...... No... Ok... *walks away quickly*
yellowpuppies 5
Agreed
baconstrips 12
**** YEAH MAN. I'm omnomnomin on some right now!
forrrrrest 0
what's with all the sexual whispering lately lol
MrBrightside21 20
"Want some dick?"
citymayer 7
My boyfriend likes to come up behind me at the most inappropriate moments and whispers "crotch" in my ear. All because I sarcastically (and unfortunately, sexily) said that the word turns me on. No more jokes for me..
Tali147 16
68 - I think "crotch" is my least favorite English word ever. It sounds like what it is.
citymayer 7
Oh god. I actually hate the word. It's awful. Just the whole sound, the way your mouth moves when you say.. Everything about it makes me cringe.
ApologyKick 25
Honestly, saying cringe isn't too far off from saying crotch is it?
forrrrrest 0
45 - it's not even anything sexy, it's just really weird haha
taheki 0
What a typical male!! Buzz kill much?
olpally 33
It's actually pretty funny... This made me giggle, hehehehe... Mmm bacon :D
taheki 0
Pfffft sex is always better then bacon ..... Men have lost their game over the years, they've gone soft, it's us women who have sex on the brain more now.
Amethyst888 14
27- Obviously you do considering what your profile picture is... Besides bacon is delicious and can give you a very nice foodgasm :) Has anyone ever heard of bacon flavored condoms?
SkoomaKi 28
Bacon.....flavored...condoms?! I wouldn't actually use them, I would rather have them in my mouth all day. Just being honest.
AbbyAbyss 5
I don't understand flavored condoms. Just because a ****** has lips doesn't mean it can taste stuff. Plus, if you're going to give a ******** wouldn't you take the condom off?
reddudeover 2
40 - I think we can still use them and put them in your mouth all day. :) Nope doesn't matter which u are.
skoob1 12
Actually, doesn't it say something about using flavored condoms for sex?
Calyx_fml 22
Is there no place for humor in sex #4?
Drigr 9
Really 27? Cause I see more FMLs about men wanting sex from their woman than I see about women wanting it..
AbbyAbyss 5
53- Don't ask how I know this, but condoms are actually a great lip chap! :3
Discombobulated9 12
#27 Men typically think of bacon during sex? And they've gone soft? I think some of your relationship problems are subconciously oozing into your comments xD
mduerden 18
Sex with somebody other than you I sure
wlddog 14
I see what you did there 27. Sex could have been better, they have gone SOFT. But seriously, you only get what you give in bed. Maybe you should be looking inside yourself instead of blaming others.
TheDrudgeChild 4
27's comment is a perfect example of the kind of sexism that I can't stand.
rayofsunshine12 6
27, bacon is delicious. It doesn't matter what gender you are. If someone said "do you want sex or bacon?" I would choose the bacon, hands down. I am a girl by the way.
kittenvks 11
Ok you guys are misunderstanding poor 27 she said ...sex THEN bacon! I prefer sex then bacon as well. Or before... Or both
KiddNYC1O 22
I am extremely hard after reading this thread.....
The_CL0GGER 0
Hey, if all males love bacon, then you better be damned sure im a male
jesscarrr 10
Really 113? I found this kinda hard to ********** to.
uchihastephy88 25
71, because when a woman wants it she usually gets it.
CptZoe 10
Just had to send this to my boyfriend cos he does the same, but the vegetarian verson. So pizza, mainly.
biggestfan23 11
Cool...
CptZoe 10
No, no it's not...
hecallsmedarlin 7
...does the same...but vegetarian version..? It is definitely not the same thing. Because nothing, & I repeat.. Nothing compares to sex & bacon! ;)
citymayer 7
How is pizza the "vegetarian version"...?
CptZoe 10
Cheese and tomato pizza is basically his diet. How he stays skinny as a rake I do not know.
bibbster18 11
All I could think of while reading this was that dog in the commercial with the bacon strips yelling "Bacon!"
munchy22 5
Ha ha ha! It's Bacon! My kids love that damn commercial
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
"yum yum yum yum yum, IT'S BACON!!"
pslcdsl 9
Looks like you've got some competition.
onlychildFTW 34
What is so good about bacon? I'll be honest I don't really like it.
Nutty4Muffs 3
90 - get out.
koolkat27 13
90- just, no.
radwanov 14
I think u'll learn to keep your comments to urself from now on right?
SkoomaKi 28
OP wasn't being rude to her boyfriend, she was just pointing something out.
radwanov 14
that's 1 way to look at it
radwanov 14
and why aren't you assuming that he is just joking with her when he says "bacon", it's sooo not worthy of an FML........ should I say "yeah, ur life sucks coz ur boyfriend has a sense of humor"?
LMFAOallthetime 8
.....bacon....../
eggmarie 25
That's because eating bacon is basically like having sex. ;)
bellaboo123 0
That's the price of having sex when ur just bf and gf