Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML
Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML
Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML
Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
XtraEzeee 8
Of course he's serious. Bacon is no laughing matter.
mike14991499 9
You can't ruin sex with bacon, right?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (268)
LO388 7
People on here love bacon (myself included). Prepare to be destroyed OP...
strawberrywine22 30
Well, what are you complaining about? There is nothing bacon can't improve.
WiderWille 11
#24 you are the guy they never invite to parties, aren't you?
dude1122332 9
24 is awesome!o:< And funny.
I_lost_the_game 25
That guy who has a bacon allergy
olpally 33
Awesome boyfriend! Bacon is pretty amazing! even better with sex... Giggity! :D
CVeNgineer 0
Everything is better with Bacon!
lonkite101 14
Maybe he's Hungry during sex ?
SkoomaKi 28
Bacon condom..... IT'S MY IDEA!! Nobody steal it!
GothicAngel95 16
Go to a condom company and pitch that idea to them now!!!
br0ccoli 15
Wait, so do you eat the bacon condom by itself or with the **** in it?
SkoomaKi 28
Me at the meeting with condom company: "Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a revolutionary idea. One that will change the course for sex across the globe. *whips pants and underpants off* The bacon condom! It's slim and tasty exterior provides a soothing taste for the giver and also a cosy interior for the receiver."
dude1122332 9
I would invest heavily in that idea. You sir, or ma'am are a genius!
br0ccoli 15
Another idea: bacon foreskin replacement! Shoomaki, if you see the executives eyeing your privates and licking their lips, don't be scared. It's part of the process.
SkoomaKi 28
Don't worry I'll pork her good. Make her squeal for mercy. And after we go through all that. When we're all hot, sweaty and smelling of bacon. You now what I'm going to say? "You have seen the power of bacon. A tool of mass pleasuring. Now sell it." Only then will it be sold to the population.
snowsfalling 4
Dude... Greasy though.. Non greasy bacon condom? Extra crispy -w-
outoftown 27
But how will I get boyfriend's **** into the microwave to cook the bacon? All of him just won't fit...
MarisaCB 16
114... that was so bad. I mean, positively awful. It sounds like you're in denial, and compensating by posting the size of your boyfriends genitalia on the internet.
ASD_K 11
I will be allergic to sex if those are used ._.
22cute 17
Om Nom Nom Yum
MissMae93 23
SkoomaKi - I hate to burst your bubble, but bacon flavored condoms already exist!
dude1122332 9
143- I think he was talking about a condom made of 100% bacon.
KingCeltic77 18
Got your slogan. "Bacon Condom; for your big meat when your porkin it".
I_lost_the_game 25
SkoomaKi- I thought you were a girl until the *whips pants and underpants off* part
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Bacon flavored edible underwear. Yes.
KingCeltic77 18
For when you REALLY wanna eat her out.
brohamas16 7
Well it's one good thing with another
CALLAHAN4 0
ur just jealous cuz he thought of it first
jakk_mehoff 4
eat the bacon then burn off the carbs with sex. I see no problem here.
gracehi 33
Bacon has carbs??? O.o ****!!! I've been doing Atkins all wrong!
Enslaved 38
Why wouldn't he be serious? He loves bacon. He loves you. He loves sex. Have some fun with it!