Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML
Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML
Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML
Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML
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Top comments
XtraEzeee 8
Of course he's serious. Bacon is no laughing matter.
mike14991499 9
You can't ruin sex with bacon, right?
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Comments (268)
Suks2beeme 7
Rub some bacon on it. Look it up on you tube.
praetor_fml 3
You don't know what lovemaking is until you incorporated bacon into it.
outoftown 27
At least he didn't suggest jalapeno.
mrnuleef 7
You two could have lady and the tramp moment and eat the bacon from both ends and meet in the middle! Or use bacon grease as lube! Or even incorporate a whole IHOP menu! The possibilities are endless!
CharlieeBabiee 2
Is your boyfriend a cop?... Sorry I had to But bacon is pretty sexy I cant deny that
ebonyirony 29
Do that shit.
smartpop 2
Bacon grease as lube??
busterbully 2
well they do make bacon flavored lube...
errthejuggalo 0
The only way u can make bacon taste better is to wrap it in bacon...the only way to make that better is to use bacon lube...after that delicious contraption of godliness the only thing left to do is bring it in the bed room
Coletrain86 2
Your boyfriend is a genius