Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend complained that we never have sex anymore. The only way she ever wants sex is missionary, with barely any foreplay. When I asked if we could spice things up and mentioned a few simple ideas, she said the conversation was making her uncomfortable and changed the subject. FML
Today, after sex, my wife of three months said, "You know, sex isn't as good now that we're married… Maybe we should take a break." I said we should spice things up. She said, firmly, "No, let's stop" and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML
Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in any sexual activity anymore because it's getting too boring. FML
Today, my wife complained that our sex life is too boring and vanilla. I have spent the last two years suggesting ideas to keep it interesting: S&M, swinging, roleplay, cosplay, public play, new toys, you name it. All I ever hear is, "Eww you pervert, that is disgusting and sick, how dare you even mention that." FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
FlashBurn 13
Wow, that's a poor sense of humor. Tell her to grow up and take a joke.
dannyboy66 7
sounds spicy
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (249)
dannyboy66 7
sounds spicy
rawr9able 4
That's awesome. That's a lame excuse not to have sex unless you litterally dumped the spice itself onto the bed, but even then **** on the couch or something. Damn you OP's gf, DAMN YOU!
TookaWooka666 0
11 herbs and spices, the KFC for sex, mmm finger lickin good.
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
just get some chicken, il give you a good recipe for bed chicken. we all know that's the best kind.
ScaughtieHolden 11
Sorry to reply high up, but there's a typo.
MyCatsDEAD 0
LOL
FAILml 7
TRFG Is back, yes!
BelleElle_fml 5
I think it's funny. I don't see why that would lead someone to refuse sex.
TempestRain 0
I also think it was funny. If my hubbs did that it would lead to a bunch of silliness and a great amount of "spice". I would think it was super cute.
leader0011 5
you win for doing that
falluke17 0
I think she was just pissed because she was trying to be serious about a potentially big problem within the relationship, and OP was being immature, however funny it may seem to us.
Tommananaze6T9 4
i think thats a good pun op
nexismyname 0
she wants to spice up their sex but refuses to have it? sounds counter productive.
bsalway1212 0
I would of just laughed and got busy. It was a very creative joke. op gf is lame k
AceArctic 4
they could use the spices... it might taste better...
missymay993 11
242 or counter reproductive *badum sss*
Livinia 11
She refuses to have sex? I think that's a bit harsh...
liebe_dich 0
Maybe she's just mad because she was being serious and he made a joke out of it.
EvilPotato 15
I wonder how long she refuses.
iLazy 0
Till she finds a gigolo
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
nag till she finds a better man to **** and break up w OP. Sorry man:/
EatnBeef 7
you gotta admit that would be kind of funny lol.
chino627 0
well she wanted to spice it up and u did what she asked
bodmonontheblock 0
well she was probably really serious and op made a joke about it.
alexFYL 11
Yeah, I would be pissed if my sex life was seriously lacking and I told my BF about it and instead of taking it seriously and fixing it, just treated it as a joke. She was just more forward about refusing sex than what he did to her - obviously by just putting spices on the bed instead of doing something was more of a silent hint he didn't care. He has a dick, he could rub it on a sock and enjoy it, meanwhile it's a little bit more complicated and partially mental for a woman. Take some time and care for your GF in bed, men.
leader0011 5
you are kinda a notch 153
leader0011 5
*bitch
nucky_fml 5
maybe OP didn't bring out the right spices she was looking for
jewfro311 0
all she needs is a ***** and a shake weight!
babyydolly 0
153: you are kinda blowing things out of proportion. If my BF put out spices in the bed after I told him to spice it up, I wouldn't stop putting out. I would actually laugh and play around with him too. I think it's cute when guys make you laugh before you get intimate it makes things more pleasurable.
babyydolly 0
I don't think he actually opened it and put it on the bed, I think he just got all the spices bottles and put them on the bed
Scoty12C 6
246- You have insanely beautiful eyes.
xxlauruh 0
can you seriously not tell how fake her eyes are? I mean it looks like she edited them in paint. fail.
lulututu 4
And they look creepy!! but very fake looking as well. Like its freaking obvious.
lulututu 4
Mine though are real :) ha!
alexFYL 11
@214 It depends how serious the sex-life conversation was. And from the OP's girlfriend's behaviour, it sounds like it was a serious one.
ajfraser 3
come on now don't be such a jealous bitch about it
highland2012 0
what ur number:)
MilanKing 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
that's what you get for being a jackass.
snade 0
LOL
ironwords 8
he was being funny, your just a hardass
optimusprime0069 8
thats what YOU get for being a jackass :)
manMadeFAIL 7
UR AN IDIOT its a joke..... ru that stupid
Imabigbeast 5
yea it was actually pretty fun
california283 6
I thought it was quite cute. I would have sex with him 3 times a day if he wanted
sheagstaz 0
OP you are my hero
cptmorgan14 0
jackass, my ass!! if he is getting bored then she needs to get him unbored!! (spice it up, duh) at least he isn't cheating!! just being honest with her
robotiick 12
^ tht made me lol
savanh_fml 0
ever heard of humor:-p
FlashBurn 13
Wow, that's a poor sense of humor. Tell her to grow up and take a joke.
babybrunette128 8
agreed, but maybe her lack of humour comes from the lack of sex???
GrooveSponge 0
Agreed. FYL for having a girlfriend with something stuck up her ass, OP.
g_willikers24 17
or not... which may be the problem
example947 0
maybe she wants something stuck up her ass?
evistman 12
agreed
EmoAngel98 0
meant to thumbs up. >.
alyslove 5
I agree! I'd laugh so hard if my boyfriend did this!
lovelylittleme 0
right on! :D
WYITO 0
Maybe the problem is, there isn't anything stuck up her ass. :P
pdp_fml 21
Ask your girl friend what kinds of things she wants to do to "spice up" your love life.
at1325 0
this is what he should have done in the first place. it sounds like he may have made his girlfriend feel as if her desire to spice things up was being belittled by making jokes when she was very serious and trying to communicate what she wants in bed. I think expressing different things people want from sex can be difficult for many people. he may have made her feel like what she wants in bed is a joke.
metfanatic1986 0
you should have put the spices all over you and layed on the bed waiting for her to come in. lol
kyanisaurus 0
hand her a vibrator dipped in Tabasco: "here you go if you don't want my hot sauce"
TylerOMFG 7
^^ win haha
h0lyd1ver 0
smooth!
Fekenator 0
win
Captain_Obvious2_fml 6
oww. im not even a girl but i can only imagine. hey whatever makes her hot
Captain_Obvious2_fml 6
^ da dun chhh!!
xDeathAbove 2
just say its one of your religion way to do before having sex
jdimaria3 13
terrible joke
Kn0wledge123 21
Sentence FAIL
DaveOnDope 4
Of all the words and name calling (and received) on this site, I've never called anyone a stupid asshat. That said. You're a *******, stupid, asshat.
Bobissmall 13
A hat for your ass, or an ass shaped hat?
decomposerix 0
fucktard
rubberducky5609 3
Wow how would she believe that if it was a response to her wanting to spice it up... Fucktard.
Brezhna 0
Oh man, I am so doing this.
SD86 0
Meee tooo! Ahaha.
MaxFirestorm 6
...You idiot.