Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML
Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML
Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML
Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML
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Top comments
XtraEzeee 8
Of course he's serious. Bacon is no laughing matter.
mike14991499 9
You can't ruin sex with bacon, right?
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Comments (268)
restl3ss 6
Quite literally everything goes Better with bacon. YDI for not incorporating it
dolceandkabana 1
2 of my favorite things. Why haven't I tried this yet? Bacon and sex just makes sense
just1n12 18
Bacon is the shit, especially Canadian bacon :)
perdix 31
I think Kyra Sedgwick might object.
KingCeltic77 18
Bacon? That is SO hot!
KiddNYC1O 22
Foreman approves!
KingCeltic77 18
Anyone who doesn't like bacon is getting my foot in their ass.
laden_swallow09 35
Why wouldn't you?
bethwoodfin 0
Lol OK wanna trade boyfriends?
boobear90 3
He wants u to be a pig?
Chingy892987 14
I see no problem with this. Would you happen to be a pig OP?
danz1010 1
What a "pig"!